Quick quiz:
You’ve got to let retailers know a whole bunch of information about how to sell a brand spanking new operating system to the masses.
Do you:
A. Write a boring brief full of “Solutionization” jargon?
B. Hire burly men in full Vista Armor to show up at the stores?
or C. Create a series of six disturbingly cute animations featuring tentacled creatures and aliens in suits?
If you said C, you get a gold star!
For the last few months, I’ve been working with the fine folks over at Widemile to create some funny and weird animations promoting Vista. The results have been, well, kind of cool. So cool that you should go check them out right now.
Windowsvistaretail.com
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Hey folks,
Welcome back to the Hardworking Words newsletter (now in beautiful black and white!). It’s been almost two years since I launched this crazy thing. In all that time we’ve laughed, we’ve cried and hopefully we’ve learned something. If you’re feeling nostalgic (or just want to fill your brain with marketing goodness) check out the HWW archive at http://haddadink.com/newsletter/.
In today’s issue you’ll learn the answers to:
-What does Married with Children’s Al Bundy know about target marketing that most business people don’t?
-What deadly emotion can stop your sales in their tracks and send your marketing plan right to its room without any supper?
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Al Bundy Sold Women’s Shoes
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When I was a kid, one of my favorite TV shows was “Married with Children.”
Ever Sunday night, my dad, my brother and I would plop down on the couch and watch the Bundy clan go through their white trash ballet. It was TV for the rest of us–the folks who didn’t fit the Cosby mold and who couldn’t even fathom why those “Family Ties” were so damned strong.
“Married” was smart in its utter idiocy. And Ed O’Neil, as washed up football player and shoe salesman Al Bundy, taught me more about the sales game than any five books on the subject.
Because you see, Al Bundy was a *bad* salesman. He hectored his customers, insulted them to their faces and got horrible shivers every time he had to help a less-than-svelte lady try on a new pair of pumps.
But Al still managed to keep his family in ramen noodles and beer.
Why?
Because Al Bundy Sold *Women’s* Shoes.
And because Al Bundy knew what 90% of marketers out there don’t know. Al Bundy knew that he was *not* his target market.
And odds are, neither are you.
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“But *I* Don’t Like That. ”
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Good copy–and good marketing in general–is ego-less.
Now, I’m not saying you personally have to be some sort of detached zen master.
But when you’re putting together your marketing, writing up your sales letter or preparing an email blast (or even if you’re paying someone to do it for you), you’ve got to remember that what you personally like and what you’d personally respond to is about as important as what color socks Neil Armstrong wore on the moon.
Because you are not your target market any more than Al Bundy was an overweight woman in the Chicago burbs.
“But Chris, I’m not a washed-up 40-year-old ex-high-school-football star selling women’s shoes! I’m a yogi selling yoga stuff! I’m a hip 30 year old massage therapist selling to hip 30 year olds! I’m a tech executive selling to technology companies! I AM My target market! Aren’t I?”
Eh. You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But even if you fit the demographic (and demographics aren’t worth much in my opinion) or psychographic profile of your target to a key, you still aren’t them.
Why?
Because you know too much. You know too much about the product. You know too much about all the hard work you’ve done building your business.
And because as a business owner or a marketer your ego is right there in the middle of your head second guessing every decision you make and encouraging you to put out marketing materials that you think *should* work as opposed to what *does* work. And when you’ve got that kind of attitude rolling around in your head–when you let your ego drive the bus–you’re heading for a time-consuming and costly business breakdown.
So here’s your prescription:
Next time you’re planning a campaign, writing a marketing piece or just looking over a design or some copy an outside vendor put together for, I want you to close your eyes right there at your desk, take a deep meditative breath and say “Al Bundy Sold Women’s Shoes.” Repeat it to yourself over and over like a mantra. Let it sink in deep.
Then think about your actual target market. Paint a picture of them in your head. Get it sharp, from the way they stand, to the worries bouncing around their brains to that little scar on their left cheek.
And then–and only then, after your ego has been sent to its room without any supper–can you get to work.
If you want to talk about this more, shoot me a line at chris@haddadink.com
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See you next month, folks. In the meantime pop on by the Hard
Working Words Blog at http://www.haddadink.com/blog or listen to my
dulcet tones at the Biznik Podcast at
http://www.biznik.com/podcasts. And keep an eye out for my new
blog, podcastmarketingtricks.com, launching sometime next week.
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About This Newsletter and Your Subscription
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©2006 Haddad Ink. Copywriting Services. All Rights Reserved.
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You ever see that Simpsons episode where Homer designs a car? It’s got all the features the common man could possibly want and is a ungodly monstrosity that no one would drive (and that no one could afford.)
Which is just a tangent.
Yesterday I picked up a new cell phone. Never in my life would I have thought I wanted a cell phone that has a built in FM tuner. I bought the phone in spite of that feature, not because of it, but here I am rocking out to KEXP on election day.
Huh.
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I think 24 Hour Fitness is on to something. You see, when you call them up to cancel your membership, they put you on hold for LONG periods of time and occasionally have a sweet-voiced woman come on the line and tell you that “All lines are busy. We recommend that you call back later.”
And then when you call back later, it happens again.
I wonder how many people just give up on the whole idea of canceling and stay members because they can’t be bothered to jump through all those hoops?
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The Borat movie opens today and I’m so excited I’ll probably play hookie in the afternoon and go bask in its glorious gloriousness.
But first a blog post.
What does Borat know about marketing?
Just this: If you want to be successful in today’s business world, you’ve got to be ballsy and bold.
Borat knows that if you aren’t offending somebody, you’re probably doing it wrong.
Ciao.
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Here’s a little tiny writing trick I use a lot to keep people reading my copy.
When you were a kid, your English teacher probably told you that all your paragraphs had to have at least three sentences. Of course she also told you never to start a sentence with “And” and to stop putting your gum in Suzy Ellis’ hair or you were going right to the pricipal’s office.
But in the real world, rockity rhythm is a lot more important than following the rules.
See, if you want to keep people engaged in the copy you’re reading, you’ve got to keep it rhythmically interesting.
And one of the easiest and most effective ways to do that is to throw the old “Three sentence” rule out the window and to start breaking up your copy into smaller and smaller chunks.
You know, like beats in music. With the space in between being a rest.
So here’s your homework:
Next time you’re writing something.
Say an email or a letter.
Try breaking it down into
small
little
chunks.
And see what happens.
Now, obviously this a trick that’s easy to abuse. And most folks are going to get annoyed if you make every sentence its own paragraph. But used effectively? It’s a great way to send your customers brains spinning and their eyes on down the page.
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So once upon a time I took an advertising class.
It was a class all about how to concept print ads and come up with “creative” ways to sell products.
Every week we’d be given a product and told to go off and come up with ideas.
And the next week we’d post those ideas–crudely drawn on pieces of white paper with thick black marker– up on the wall to be judged.
And the teacher and the class would stare at them with quizzical, thoughtful looks on their faces, and eventually someone would say “I like it, but is it creative?”
And the whole class would nod.
Because in the ad world, “creativity” is what matters.
Which I always found kind of funny.
Because. . . I mean, I’m a pretty creative guy.
But aren’t we supposed to be selling stuff here?
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Ok, so if you’re in Seattle, you’ve probably heard the hubub about our new slogan.
I mean, heck, it was all over the papers.
And they painted it in 18 foot high letters on the top of the Space Needle.
And are spending something like 200 grand to promote it in an attempt to pump up tourism before the Winter Olympics hit Vancouver in 2010.
Of course it’s not really a slogan.
It’s a word.
A made up word.
A word that goes “Metronatural.”
A word that makes all my friends–most of whom are normal Seattlites who spend not one minute of their day thinking about branding and marketing–twist up their faces a bit and go “huzzuwuzzahuh?”
Or, worse yet, laugh.
They go like this. They go “Ha. Ha. Ha. Well, at least it’s better than ‘Say Wa.’”
And then they toss back a beer and a snicker and go on with their lives.
While I sit there and stew a bit with my thinking cap on.
So here’s the big question: As a brand building exercise–as an attempt to change the way the world thinks about Seattle–does “Metronatural” work?
Is this “bold new brand” going to rocket Seattle to untold heights of touristy goodness and forever wipe the scar of grunge from the face of our fair city?
Or is it going to go down in history as just another example of the folley of the ad world? A bumpy footnote that draws stifled giggles and head slaps from Seattlites for decades to come?
Because, honestly, the core strategy behind “Metronatural” is solid. Seattle really is a city where Urban meets Wild and Metro meets Natural. (Personally, I think they would have been better off just saying “Seattle: Where Urban Meets Wild.” It’s not perfect, but it’s got some legs and is a bit cheeky.)
But unfortunately the agency (which is full of good and smart people with good and smart ideas) got too cute and clever for their own good.
Or worse yet, they listened when the client said “ohh, I like that.”
And now us poor Seattlites have to pay the price for at least four years as ad after ad and promotion after promotion tell us that we are, in fact, Metronatural.
Which is kind of funny for a city with such a poor public transit system.
Maybe it just means we should all stop shaving.
Sigh.
Branding is dangerous. You should have to get a license to do it.
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I was at Liberty on 15th last night, bouncing on my heels a bit after having a huge meal with my brother and his wife. At one point a woman asked me what I did for a living. I said I was a marketing consultant and that I wrote copy — that I sell stuff with words.
Her whole face brightened up and she said “I do fundraising. So I do a lot of writing for that. But what I really want is to be a real writer. You know. I want to have my name on things.”
I guffawed.
Really, I did.
Because to me being a real writer means being someone who does something with words. Someone who has an effect.
But to her, it was all about fame (though not fortune), ego and a false sense of integrity.
I mean good luck to her, but I’d rather be right here on the ground “Really” writing and “really” making a living doing something I love.
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