One of the worst “Sales Letters” ever

I was bouncing around some copywriting boards this morning and found posted what might just be the worst sales letter ever. (The guy who posted it on the board got it in the mail and was so appalled he felt the need to share.) Here it is:

Dear Sir / Madam

Welcome to the new XXXX marketing campaign. We have officially adopted Einstein and other wise men to provide us with great business ideas.

The XXXX team have had great success this year with a previous campaign. We ran the “Da Vinci” Marketing Code campaign and were inundated with enquiries and orders for our service.

The reason for our new theme is the result of our recent success! The XXX team were running low on TIME hence our new theme. So we have recruited a bigger team!

We can provide an outstanding service that will provide you and your team with more time to create new business opportunities.

So if you need anything from “PRINT TO POST” we are the expert team to give YOU the TIME to grow new business!!

XXXX would love to provide you with TIME, so if we can help please take the time to:-

(followed by website, email, telephone, fax info)

Ok, dear readers. Have some fun. What’s wrong with this thing? Is it the lack of any real and discernible benefit? Is it the completely passive prose? Is it the fact that all the letter does is talk about how great the XXXX team is? Is it . . .dear god, I could go on and on. I could spend a whole day just drilling through this thing and pulling it apart. It’s like copy crime salad.

Remember, folks, a good sales letter:
-Is benefit oriented.
-Is about the prospect, not about you.
-Doesn’t read like stereo instructions.

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