Math is Hard

I’m a big fan of Glaceau’s Vitamin Water. In fact, I hand over two of my hard earned dollars every day at my yoga class just so I can quench my thirst on their “Essential Orange” mix.

What I’m not a fan of is the copy on the Glaceau fridge case. Why? Because it uses math to lie to you.

Or, well, if not lie, at least to obscure the truth.

Here’s what the case says:

“Smart Water: No Water Hydrates Faster. No Water Hydrates Better.”

Let’s parse this clever bit of ad copy, shall we? What is it really saying? To find out, we’re going to have to do a little math (yay, variables!)

“No Water” basically means every other brand and kind of water in the world. So let’s say that “No Water” is “W.”

Glaceau is saying that “No Water” Hydrates faster or better than their Smart Water, so let’s say that Smart Water is “S.”

Taking that first sentence, we can lay it out as “No Water hydrates faster than Smart Water Does.”

Which translates to:
S (is equal to or greater than) W when it comes to speed of hydration.
So where’s the problem?
Well, S (is equal to or greater than) W, basically means that Vitamin water is just like, err, water.

Without the magic of a clever copywriter, Glaceau is basically saying “Our water is just as good as other waters out there and maybe better than others.”

Why? Well, because water is water. And because they aren’t able to say they’re the best.

Anyway. It’s an old trick and a lame one. I say avoid it and shame on you Glaceau. Shame on you.

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