Marketing Advice For Girls Posting on Craigslist Personals

I got bored at the office yesterday and decided to kill a little time surfing the Craigslist personals (which are almost always HILARIOUS).

I was pretty saddened by what I saw so I wrote up this “advice article” and posted it for the girls to see. Got a LOT of positive feedback  so I figured you guys might get a kick out of it  too. =-)

Hey ladies,

I’ve spent the last hour skimming through a bunch of the “W4M” ads here on Craigslist and, honestly, have been a little freaked out by what I’ve found . . .

Why?

Because as far as I can tell, most of the women on here aren’t looking for “men” or even “guys” but actually want puppies.

Cute, passive, affectionate, needy, somewhat inbred and emotionally damaged puppies.

Now, I’m not saying this to be mean.

More I’m saying it because behind the sappishly-written puppy-attracting profiles some of you seem to actually be dynamic, sexy fun, interesting women.

And it just bugs me that you’re selling yourselves this short and putting up ads that will make most men run for the hills or consider putting wigs on their right hands and calling that a relationship. 

It’s just no good. Men need women. Women need men (at least the straight ones do) and while puppies are cool, you don’t really want to date one.

So a little marketing 101.

If you go through this exercise, think about it and do what it says you’re going to have a MUCH better chance of landing an honest-to-goodness non-puppy-like guy who sweeps you off your feet and makes you tingle all over like you accidentally stuck your toe in a light socket.

And isn’t that what you really want?

Step 1: Think about the guy you REALLY want. Who are you looking for? Who’s your IDEAL guy who actually stands a reasonable chance of existing?

Now the key phrase here is “who actually stands a chance of existing.”

I hate to say it and break your hearts but that “Prince Charming” you keep writing about who you want to come in and sweep you off your feet? Something of a fantasy. He’s right up there with the pneumatically enhanced nymphomaniac barbie so many guys seem to think they want. Not in reality. 

Think about it, have ever actually even MET a man who acts like Prince Charming? Nope. And you know what, I’m willing to bet that if you did you’d think he was a total sap and would run the other way. Worse yet, you’d say unkind things about his genitalia behind his back.

Because that guy ain’t a MAN.

(It works the other way too, if most guys met the nymphomaniac sports-loving floozie they THINK they want they’d run so fast they’d leave one of those “Road Runner” dust clouds in their wake.)

So here’s what you gotta do . . .

Sit down and write out a bunch of REASONABLE traits you want your guy to have.

How tall is he?

What does he look like?

Do you like white guys, black guys, asian guys? Do you like latino midgets? That’s fine. All these things actually exist in the world.

Just get it all down on paper. Heck, even give him a name. What you want to do is create an “avatar” of your perfect guy (who could actually exist). You want to get him really firmly fixed in your mind. You want to know what he dresses like, what he smells like, what he feels like, how he moves, all that stuff.

You want him to seem like a real and actual person in your mind. (Now, there is some danger here. It’s possible that you’ll fall madly in love with your “dream guy” and won’t be willing to settle for actual human being. You don’t want to do that, but getting really clear on your man is going to make the rest of this much, much easier.)

Step 2: Ok, What does your Dream Guy WANT? What is your Dream Guy ATTRACTED to?

This is a big one.

Remember, you’re trying to attract the right kind of guy here. A guy who’s going to fulfill you, push your buttons in the right way. A man who’s going to make you feel sexy and confident and fulfilled and wanted.

(NOT a puppy.)

So think about your “Avatar guy” and then list out what he likes and what he wants.

WHY is he on craigslist on the first place? What’s driving him to be here? What’s going to pique his interest?

In general guys like . . .

Sex (duh. I know, I know, you’re not looking for a hookup and that’s fine. But you’ve still got to be realistic about what guys want.)

To feel attractive and looked after

To have a girl on their arm they can be proud of.

To have a woman who UNDERSTANDS him and doesn’t try to change him.

Etc etc. what does YOUR guy want? Do you want an emotionally stoic manly man? Or are you looking for the emo hipster type? What’s going to get his attention?

What is THAT KIND OF GUY attracted to? What’s going to turn his head and get his body humming? What does he REALLY look for in a girl both on a conscious and an unconscious level?

Be honest here. Remember, men are MEN. And that’s why you LIKE them. If men were women . . . um . . Well, we wouldn’t need toilet seats.

Step 3: Write your ad (and keep the Dealbreakers and puppy-attractors out of it.)

Ok, here’s where the rubber hits the road.

You want your ad to be specific, written with confidence and designed to get you EXACTLY the guy you’re looking for.

It also needs to talk about you in a way that comes across as attractive and fun.

Most guys HATE drama and will run the other way at the merest whiff of it (unless you’re phenomenally good looking and then we’ll put up with it for a while because we’re dumb and driven by animalistic urges.)

I saw a couple ads that said things like “Just had my heart broken” or “Are you the one” and then went on to WHINE for the whole ad.

That stuff is MAN kryptonite.

Straight guys know that a certain amount of emotional whackiness comes with the territory of dating straight girls (and most of us ADORE women and are totally cool with the fact that you’re generally more emotional than we are.)

But we don’t want to START there. We want to at least START OUT thinking you’re sane and awesome and emotionally stable and different from the last girlfriend who kept crying and banging her head against the wall every time you said the word “corndog” even though you couldn’t figure out why.

I’m not saying you should LIE in your profile (that would be a baaaad idea because lies always have a way of coming out in the end.)

But put out the BEST version of you. And emphasize the BENEFITS of being with you. Help paint a picture in your target guy’s mind of how GREAT it’s going to be to be with you . . . how you’re going to make him FEEL . . . how much more fulfilled he’s going to be . . .

A few final tips before I end this thing . .

1. Headline

No “Are you the one?” or “Looking for prince charming?” type headlines.

Again, those type of headlines can work great with women, but you’re not trying to attract women, you’re trying to attract MEN.

You’ve gotta KNOW YOUR MARKET, ladies. =-)

Also no “Sex obsessed” headlines unless that’s really what you want (guys hate bait and switch and most of us are actually a bit turned off by that kind of overt aggression from girls.)

A good headline should project confidence and scarcity. It should show that you’re NOT just waiting around for some dude to rescue you.

Remember, the job of your headline is to get the guy of your dreams to click on your ad and read more . . .

So it’s got to contain excitement, curiosity, intrigue, action . . . some combination of these.

Personally, I really like headlines that have a specific activity in mind and say you’re looking for (but don’t need) a cool guy to go with you.

“Challenge” headlines can also be attractive. Saying things like “I’m way wittier than you” or “You probably couldn’t handle me” can get a nice response. Men are naturally competitive and that kind of spunk goes a long way.

But again, it’s all about what your SPECIFIC kind of dream guy wants and responds to. Want a jock? Put “jock stuff” in your headline. (Running a 2K tomorrow, think you can keep up?)

Want a geek? GEEK OUT in your headline (“The body of Aragorn the mind of . . .”)

2. Body

Jaysis, please do NOT go on and on about yur passion for crocheting or how you just haven’t been able to get out of bed since Michael Jackson died (you just know you could have changed him and SAVED HIS LIFE if you’d gotten there in time.)

Show off your personality a bit, be confident and secure, seem like the kind of woman that other guys are falling over themselves to get to. And fill the body of your profile with the kind of details that you know your perfect dude is going to be interested in.

Personally, I like a little cockiness in a girl’s profile. But I’m one of those guys who finds confidence extremely sexy.

3. Pictures

Most guys will completely skip any ad that doesn’t have a pic. We’ll also get kind of mad if you do the “here’s a pic of a farm” thing to trick Craigslist. Get some nice pics taken of you at your best. Don’t try to hide your “flaws” but focus on your best features.

Now here’s the bad news:

Guys are “visual” creatures and we’re a LOT more shallow on the looks department when it comes to looking for mates than women are. (In my experience, a “average looking” or even “ugly” guy can still end up with a conventionally beautiful girl, but the opposite is really hard to pull off. Sad but true.)

But you STILL have to put a picture up. A good picture. That shows you how you really are and actually smiling.

Seriously, I mean it.

Oh, and here’s a big “ad crime” that drives me nuts.

Whatever you do DO NOT put a picture up of you with your stunningly-hot lingerie model friend. If you do, it doesn’t matter how cute or spunky or awesome you are, your dream guy’s lizard brain is going to freeze up.

(Think about what Rodney Dangerfield said in “Back to School:”

If You Want To Look Thin, Hang Out With Fat People”

Whew.

There’s a lot more to say on this topic, but you should get the idea for now.

Just to sum up:

1. Men are not women. And they are not mentally damaged puppies. If you want to find a MAN you’ve got to write your ad in a way that appeals to MEN.

2. “Prince Charming” really doesn’t exist. But there ARE a lot of really awesome guys out there who really are just looking for funny, cute, emotionally available girls. You just have to get by their “Manness” to find them.

3. Pictures are a must. Sooner or later he’s going to see you and it’s better to hit the “are you hot enough” objection head on and early than it is to wait and hope to snag him after he’s already fallen for your witty personality. Men are kind of shallow. Sad but true.

—

And, back to the blog.

Hmm. This one should get me some comments =-)

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