Easily some of the hardest writing I ever had to do (though I managed to crank out my speech in about 25 minutes the day of the funeral. Speed is your friend.) And let me tell you, as a-religious as I am it was downright surreal to be standing in a Catholic Church talking about this stuff.

Still, I’m proud of what I wrote and everybody there seemed to really enjoy it. Plus it’s definitely written in a “Copy” style with lots of white space, rhythm, pauses etc.

You can see the whole Eulogy after the jump (about 800 words.)

(Having some trouble adding pictures to this post. Will go back and do so later.)

Ever since Grammy passed away on Monday morning I’ve been wracking my brain  trying to figure out what I’d say when this moment came.

And I’ve been having a hard time.

Not because there’s not a lot to say about Gram . . . there is, more than I have time for . . .

But because Gram . . . Violet Olympe Fiore . . . didn’t live her life along the lines of lot of “Grandmotherly” cliches.

I ask my friends about their grandmothers and they say things about smelling “freshly baked cookies.”

Not me, I think of Gram every time I get beat at cards.

I remember sitting at the kitchen counter, maybe ten years old playing Rummy 500 with gram . . . trying hold all these cards in my little hands, trying SOO hard to keep up. . . and getting THRASHED every time.

Violet would never “let” you win . . . she’d never let you take a shortcut but she’d always give you credit for what you earned.

And I think maybe that’s a metaphor for how Gram lived her whole life.

Grammy did not have an easy life.

She faced challenges and tragedies every day that would have broken a lot of people.

But in the 32 years I knew her I never heard her whine or complain.

Even when, maybe she should have. When life dealt her a bad hand and she had every right to.

Gram never wanted to be a bother. She never wanted to “take” from anybody. To continue my card story from before she never wanted to “cheat” her way through life.

And she “worked” and helped other people right up until the end.

In fact, one of my favorite things to say to my friends was that MY grandmother was the grandmother who went off and helped the OTHER grandmothers, sitting by their bedside and being a senior companion.

On Saturday a bunch of us gathered around Gram’s bedside at St. Vincent Hospital. I’d flown all night to be there and we were all worn out, beaten up and exhausted . . . surfing the edge of breaking down.

And then, we did.

Gram’s breathing faltered. We all thought “maybe this is the end,” put our hands on her and let it out.

And at that moment my Aunt Denise did something beautiful.

She leaned over gram up close to her ear and said “Thank you. Thank you for being my Mommy.”

And Gram . . . Violet . . .

I think I can speak for everybody here when I say we all want to thank you too.

Thank you for being our mother, our grandmother, our sister and our friend.

Thank you for your love and your guidance. Your pride and your support.

Thank you for raising two beautiful daughters, for making Mischa and Sachew two of the happiest dogs who ever lived, for being the one of the strongest women I’ve ever known and for helping make Ken and I the men we are today.

Thank you so much.

One last thing . . .

About 15 or 20 years ago my Grandmother got into the habit of knitting these big, warm “Afghan” blankets  I think to keep her hands in shape . . .

And she knitted a LOT of them . . . .

In fact, if you go to my Mom’s house you’ll find a whole closet just stuffed with Afghans of every size and color.

And a lot of my friends have “Grammy Fiore” originals that they’ve carried around with them all over the country.

As for me, I’ve slept under one of Grammy’s afghans (a blue and green one) every cold night of my adult life. Through the good times and the bad, triumph and tragedy, joy and pain she’s kept me warm with her love.

Violet loved Purple. It was her signature color and she’s wearing a beautiful purple dress my Mom bought for her right now.

She loved her daughters and her grandsons . . . her sisters and her brothers . . . Aunt Denise’s very lucky dogs and countless people I’ve never met  who all say she’s touched their lives.

She loved card games, Bingo, trips to the casino and the Patriots.

She lived her life simply, powerfully and spent her time helping people and taking away much, much more pain than she ever contributed to the world.

On Saturday, Gram woke up out of the pain and the morphine haze long enough to stare me in the eye and squeeze my hand. And in that moment I knew that she was knew how much we all loved her, that she was at peace with her death and that she was going to be OK.

Goodbye gram.

Safe travels.

Say “hi” to Pauline and Don and Meme and Loretta and Saschew, my father Ken and your ex-husband Rocco and . . you know what?  You can pop Rocco in the nose if you want to, you’ve earned it.

We love you, Violet, and we know how much you loved us.

Thank you.

I twittered like a maniac the whole time I was there, so if you want the scoop just look at my timeline at http://www.twitter.com/chrishaddad . . .or you can search for #UG5 to hear what other folks had to say.

And noooowwww. .  . . for the main event.

========================
How To Use Risk Reversal To Double Your Sales Without Losing Your Shirt
========================

Did you watch the Superbowl a few weeks back? It was a good game, but the REAL action happened early on during the commercials.

Hyundai (the tiny, budget-minded Japanese car company) put out a frankly awesome commercial that got my Cheetos addled marketing brain buzzing. It wasn’t a “clever” or creative commercial, but I’m willing to bet that it’ll be more responsible for the relative success of Hyundai over the next year as anything.

What did they say? They said “Buy a Hyundai. If at any time in the next year you lose your source of income, you can return the car for a 100% return of your money.”

Now this is incredibly smart on Hyundai’s part. In today’s terrible economy nobody wants to risk buying a car. They’re afraid that if they fork out 10, 20 or 30k for a new car they’ll wake up tomorrow jobless and broke, unable to make the payments and trying to figure out how to feed their family with a couple of tons of Japanese steel.

So Hyundai reversed that risk, completely eliminated that fear and gave their customers a generous GUARANTEE that they wouldn’t find themselves hungry and holding a lemon.

====================================
Now, Guarantees are Nothing New Of Course
====================================

Marketers big and small have been using guarantees to reverse risk and increase sales since the dawn of time. (I’m pretty sure that 15 minutes after Grog invented the wheel he offered “guaranteed roundness” for 1.5 million years.)

But I’m always amazed how few business owners use them effectively.

=====================================
So what Kind of Guarantee Should *You* Use?
=====================================

Good question. Personally, I think you’ll figure out your best guarantee yourself, but here’s some fuel to get you started.

1. The Basic Unconditional Money Back Guarantee . . . We’ve all seen this one before. “Simply invest in the Incredible Back Scratcher EXTREME Today. If you aren’t completely satisfied simply return the product within 30 days for a full refund.” This is the “entry level” guarantee and you should have something like it if you want to do well in today’s economy.

2. For Services . . . The Guaranteed Results Guarantee: “I personally guarantee that, after our 5th session together, your Chakras will be completely aligned and you’ll feel an amazing sense of wellness throughout your whole body. If not, simply let me know and I’ll work with you at no additional charge until you’re completely satisfied.” I do a variation on this guarantee as a copywriter. I offer my clients 30 days of rewrites, tweaks and copy improvements (including full rewrites if necessary) for no additional charge.

3. The “More Than Your Money Back” Guarantee . . . This is a favorite of mine, though if your product, seminar or service sucks it can be risky. “I’m so confident that you’ll be satisfied with the POGO MASTER DVD set that I’d like to offer you this amazing Guarantee. Try POGO MASTER for 60 days . . . if it isn’t the most complete and USEFUL POGO training you’ve ever seen, simply let me know. I’ll not only return your money but will actually give you $50 out of my own pocket just for wasting your time.”

4. The Conditional “Prove It” Guarantee . . . This one’s a bit of a “challenge” to your customer. In it you offer to refund them, but only if they PROVE that they’ve actually given your product a chance. It’s great for higher priced info products. “Order Barka Lounger Workout Secrets” today for just $1997. Watch the DVD’s. Fill out the worksheets. Experience what the Barka lounger system can do for you. Any time in the next 90 days, if you give my system an HONEST chance but don’t lose weight while sitting in your Barka Lounger, simply let me know. I’ll review your homework and will personally work with you to get the results you crave. If after we work together you STILL aren’t where you want to be, I’ll refund your money and we’ll part as friends.”

And that’s really just the tip of the guarantee iceberg.

=====================================================
But Doesn’t A Guarantee Mean That My Customers Will Rip Me Off?
=====================================================

Yup, and it will drive you to a rage. Fact of the matter is that no matter how good your product is and no matter how honest you are in your marketing there’s always going to be a small percentage of customers who *abuse* your guarantee, get great value out of your product and *still* demand their money back. We have a word for these people. @#$*#weasels.

But you shouldn’t let the @#$*#weasels get you down. Why? Because for every single @#$*#weasel who rips you off, you’ll have a hundred more happy customers who are honest and ethical and who bought *because* of your guarantee.

And here’s the awesome thing, generally speaking . . .

================================
The Longer Your Guarantee The Fewer People Will Use It And The More Money You’ll Make
================================

Test after test have shown that longer, more generous guarantees not only increase sales, they actually DECREASE returns.

Why?

Well, if you’ve got a basic 30 day guarantee, your customers can really feel that time pressure. They can watch the clock, dig through your product, desperately try to find fault and then return it to grab their cash back.

But with a longer guarantee, that pressure’s gone. Your customers feel like they can put off worrying about your guarantee until tomorrow and, more often than not, either forget or decide that your product really was worth the money they paid for it.

==============
So To Sum Up . . .
==============
To make money and do well in any economy . . .

1. Make A Big Ballsy Promise That Delivers A Benefit Your Customers Desperately Want
2. Reverse Risk Through A Generous Guarantee
3. Over deliver on your promise . . . and smile every time you get a return because you know that for every @#$*#weasels you just got a 100 great customers.

MORE:
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/chrishaddad
Blog: http://www.haddadink.com/blog
Email: chris@haddadink.com

In today’s issue I’ll reveal a short but *powerful* method you can use to make even high prices seem reasonable . . . and to make lower prices seem like an absolute steal.

Ready?
Great.
Let’s dive in.

==================
How To Make Even High Prices Seem Like An Absolute Steal
==================

In a recent speech to the National Retail Federation, Walmart CEO Lee Scott noted that, in a focus group of young shoppers, “Every one of them had given something up, and they were talking about how *good* they felt about doing that.”
Which roughly translates into “People are spending less. .  . and they’re ENJOYING spending less.”

Now, as a frugal guy myself (I can make on sweater last a lifetime), I actually like the idea that folks across the country are tightening the purse strings and saving their cash. Especially if it keeps them from falling into credit card debt or spending money on Miley Cyrus albums.

But if you’re a entrepreneur, business owner or marketer . . . well then this sudden explosion of financial responsibility can pose a bit of a . . . err . . . problem.

After all,*you* still need to make sales, pay your bills and (hopefully) grow your company.

But how can you do that when your customers LIKE holding on to their money?

Now, when I wear my consulting hat (it’s brown one and says “the North Face” on it. Bald men need warm hats) I help clients solve this problem in all sorts of ways . . . from reactivating dormant customers . . . to creating “ghost” competition . . . to finding hidden profit centers they never knew were there.

But today I’d like to focus on something simple that you can do *right* now to ratchet up the perceived value of what you’re selling and make your price seem not just reasonable . . . but actually kind of ridiculously cheap.

A trick I call . . .

============================
“The Apples To Oranges Comparison” . . . or “How To Justify Your Price In 2 Easy Steps”
============================

Here’s how it works . . .

Now, most business folk make the mistake of comparing“apples to apples. . . ”

They compare the price of their product (or whatever else they’re selling) against the same product or service being offered by their competition . . .

Or they don’t do any comparison at all and let the customer do all the mental math for them.

So a massage therapist might say “We charge $75 per one hour session . . .” and mentally their customer compares that against the “regular” price they’ve seen for massage and makes a decision on whether it’s worth the money.

And that works “alright” in a good economy. But in a bad economy? Well, you need to get a bit more creative.

You need to get your prospect to compare your product or service to other MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE product or service that accomplishes (more or less) the same thing.

For instance . . .  let’s pretend that you’re selling a downloadable course on how to give deep tissue massage and that you’re aiming it at every day folks . . . folk who come home tired every day . . . have sore muscles and just want to be able to relax. (Let’s say it’s for couples, cuz that’s more fun.)

How would you justify the price?
How would you make this product (which is an ebook plus some downloadable videos) seem like a *screaming deal?*

Well, here’s what I would do. I would say . . .

“So, how much does The Complete Couples Massage Course cost?

That’s a really good question and I’m glad you asked it.

The cost of this course . .  .complete with the illustrated couples massage workbook, 5 hours of professionally produced videos showing you the EXACT technique to release tight, tense muscles, the bonus relaxation CD and the Pilates for dummies super training is just $97.00.

Does that seem like a lot?

It really shouldn’t.

Just think about it for a moment.
Learning these powerful massage techniques at an accredited massage school would cost you several thousand dollars  at least . . . you’d have to adjust your busy schedule to make sure you could make the class in the first place . . . and, depending on where you live . . . your instruction wouldn’t be anywhere near the quality of what you’ll receive from Jennifer and Bill.

And, of course, there’s another great cost savings . . .

Most professional massage therapists charge at least $75 per one hour session . . . plus tip. Even if you just receive one massage a week to help you unwind from your long day, that will quickly add up to almost $400 per month.

But with the Complete Couples Massage Course you’ll not only save money. You’ll build  longer, deeper bond with your partner. You’ll give each other the gift of relaxation and will be able to set aside quiet time to build more intimacy in your relationship.

And I’m not really sure you can put a price on that.”

And then, of course, we’d move on to our guarantee where we made the deal seem even better.

But as you can see there, I didn’t compare the course to other online massage courses . . . and I didn’t compare it what my prospects might normally expect to pay for a booklet and a few videos.

Instead I compared the Apple (online couples massage course) to the Orange (professional massage training, getting massages.)

If I were writing a full sales letter for this I’d probably spend a bunch more copy talking about the intimacy aspect.

==============================
OK, But How Can You Use This For Non-Info Products?
==============================

Great question. And I’ve got good news, it’s actually pretty easy if you can be a little creative.

Just think about the RESULT you get for your clients and compare it to other, more expensive, options that get the same or similar result . . . or to the money your clients will lose if they try to go it alone.

If you’re a massage therapist . . . compare yourself to the cost of chiropractic, prescription pain pills, lost productivity and even surgery.

If you’re a drum instructor . . . . compare yourself to the cost of 4 years at Julliard . . . or the the many, many wasted hours of practicing the wrong way.

And if you’re selling a widget of some kind . . . compare your price to the price of higher end widgets that do the same thing.
I could go on, but you get the idea.

Got it?
Good.

I expect homework by morning.

If you’ve got any questions or comments, you can still reach me at chris@haddadink.com

If you want to read more of this kind of stuff, head on over to the HWW blog at http://www.haddadink.com/blog (gonna be moving to a new blog soon. So bear with the technical hiccups.)

If you want to know WAAAY too much about what I do all day, follow me on twitter at http://www.twitter.com/chrishaddad
And if you want to learn more about me and the voodoo that I do so well, well check out http://www.haddadink.com

P.S. After writing this, I’m totally interested in a couples massage course I can watch at home. Sheesh. Somebody make that!

=======
How  Do You Make Yourself (Or Your Product) Indispensable?
=======

It’s a fact, consumers and businesses are being a *lot* more picky about where they spend their money these days. Expenses are getting cut to the bone, and most costs that can be even vaguely classified as “luxuries” are getting tossed aside like 3 day old gum.

So, how do you keep yourself or your product on the list of “Must Haves” and off the list of “expenses” getting slashed?

Here’s a few quick tips:

1. Show An Immediate Return On Investment.

The easiest way to stay on the “Gotta have it” list is to show in no uncertain terms that you’re product or *service* makes your customers more money than it *costs* them.

For example, in my role as a high fallutin’ marketing mucky muck and copywriter, I can show pretty easily that for every dollar my clients spend with me, they earn several dollars more in profit that they wouldn’t have had before.

Which is great for me and others like me in the “Marketing” game. But how do you show ROI when you’re not in the “helping people make more money” biz? Good question. All you’ve got to do is . . .

2. Be The Cheaper And Higher Value Alternative.

Now, before we get into this, let me say right now that I’m *not* suggesting that you cut your prices. So get that part out of your head right now.

In copywriting there’s a concept called “comparing apple’s to oranges.”

That’s where you compare the price of what you’ve got to sell to much higher priced alternatives.

For instance, you might compare the value of a $27 e book to the value of a $2,000.00 in person seminar.

It’s an incredibly effective sales technique.

And you can do the same thing in your business.

Ask yourself, what were your customers (or potential customers) paying for before that they don’t want to (or can’t) pay for now?

And how can your service provide the same or similar results (or even just perceived results) at a lower cost?

Need an example?

If you’re a massage therapist, you could compare you’re high value massage against the cost of physical therapy, chiropractic or alternative pain relief treatments.

If you run a bike shop, you could compare the cost of a bicycle against the cost of gas, insurance, car repairs, gym memberships and . . . uh . . well . . . heart attack surgery.

And if you’re selling video game consoles you could compare the cost of a video game versus the cost of a night out, a movie or even an evening of bowling.

The key here is to make your customers feel like they’re *saving* money by *spending* with you.

3. Be Creative In Your Pricing . . . Make it Easy For Your Customers

I can’t even tell you how often I smack my hand against my massive noggin and bemoan how hard so many businesses make it for me to do business with them.If you want to survive in today’s tough times, you’ve got to make spending money with you the simplest thing in the world.

That means offering a strong guarantee (and standing behind it no matter what) . . . offering package pricing that seems like a killer deal and do everything you can to make your customers feel great working with your business.

And finally, the best way to become Indispensable is to . . .

4. Give people What They Want

This one seems obvious, and I’m sure I’ve talked about it before. But the single best  way to become Indispensable is to find out what your customers are worried about and what they truly want . . . and to give it to them.

Not what you think they want.

Not what you want them to want. (That’s the quickest path to failure.)

But what they actually want.

And realize that what people want when money is tight and times are tough is a lot different than what they want when things are flush.

Alright, that feels like about enough for today.

You can get more crunchy marketing goodness at The HWW Blog

Or you can get in touch with me by hitting reply at the top of this message.

Later.

C

Whew. I got a *lot* of responses to my email last week . . .

I asked “What’s the biggest question you’ve got about surviving the
recession?”

And the responses came *flooding* in . . .

Obviously, folks are nervous about the current economy and how
they’re going to get through it.

But enough preamble . . . let’s dive in. Any one of these questions
could fill a whole issue of HWW by themselves, but I’m going to try
to keep my answers brief so that we can cover as much ground as
possible.

============================
Carrie Lanza asks . . . “Chris . . . How do I start out as a
freelancer during the recession?”
============================

Hi Carrie,

First off, congrats. Going out on your own can seem scary at first,
but once you get your feet under you, you’ll wonder how you ever
got by before.

Some key points of advice:

1. Live Below Your Means (and then grow your means.)

The sad fact of the matter (and one of the big reasons that we’re
in this financial mess) is that most Americans spend way, way WAY
more than they actually make. As a freelancer and small business
owner, you just can’t afford to do that. You’ve got to cut your
expenses, your luxuries and even your long term investments to the
BONE and build up as much of a cash cushion as you can. Get as
close to “starving college student” living as you can.

2. Forget Your Passion . . . Give The Market What It Wants.

Remember that old adage “Do what you love and the money will
follow?” It’s great if you’re writing greeting cards or trying to
inspire a room full of passionate Ukelelee players . . . but it’s
utterly worthless when it comes to doing business in hard times.

Instead, you’ve got to focus on what you’re good at, what you don’t
*hate* doing, and what people are actually still willing to pay
good money for.

Which means you’ve got to help them *make* money (which is what
marketing consultants and copywriters do) . . . help them *save*
money (by doing a job they used to do themselves or in house, but
cheaper) or that shows another simple and tangible return on
investment.

3. Be Shameless In Your Self Promotion . . .Make Big Promises AND
KEEP THEM.

Here’s the big one. You didn’t mention what you wanted to go
freelance *as* in your email, but no matter what it is you’ve got
to be ready, willing and able to *sell yourself.”

As I’ve said for years,  “Marketing is the art of making a promise
and keeping it.”

When talking to potential clients you’ve got to be aggressive (but
not obnoxious) and lay out in exacting detail what kind of results
you can get for them.  Make big promises . . . and then drastically
exceed the results you promised.

=========================================
Robert Landis asks . . . “One sure way to increase market share or
number of clients, is to reduce prices during a recession. However,
we are already a “low cost provider” by many of our competitors
standards, only charging $95.00 per hour. In addition, we have
business booked until late January 09. One attempt we have made to
address this issue is offer Search Engine Marketing services for a
small flat monthly fee plus a 10% commission on sales from the
campaigns. Any other creative ideas?”
=========================================

Hi Robert,

I’d actually disagree with your initial statement. If you’re
selling widgets or a commodity, then yes, lowering prices can ramp
up your business. But for a service-based small business like
yours, lowering prices is often akin to corporate suicide. It
slashes your margins and, in some cases, actually scares away
customers who think “If you’re that cheap, you can’t be very good
at what you do.”

But let’s get to the other part of your question . . .

Commission-based work is great.

A few other ideas I’d recommend:

1. Keep your prices where you are, but make bigger promises and add
more value. (Man, I say that word a lot.) What’s unique about you?
What do you do that no one else does? Can you offer some for of
guarantee or maintenance schedule at no additional cost? Do you
have services that are really cheap for you to perform but that are
worth a ton to your customer? Throw those in for free as “Bonuses”
for your clients. The problem I see with a lot of web dev houses is
that they “Commoditize” themselves. They all sell themselves based
on time units and offer very little to stand out.

2. Become an authority in your niche. Start sending out a
newsletter or doing webinars or teleseminars on topics that are
important to your customers and that are done in language they
understand. Give away your absolute best advice for free. You’ll be
shocked how many folks then call you up and ask you to work for them.

But no matter what, you’ve got to start finding a way to
differentiate yourself from the competition. Web Dev houses are a
dime a dozen. What makes you DIFFERENT?

=========================================
Elizabeth asks “What can a person who is inherently lazy do to
become less lazy about marketing themselves? Well, not so much lazy
as shy.”
=========================================

Hey Elizabeth,

I had some friends not so long ago ask me for some marketing
advice. They asked me how they could quickly promote their small
business and get some more customers.

And I laid out a pretty simple plan that I think would have worked
quite well. They listened patiently and at the end said “That
sounds like a lot of work. We don’t want to do that.”

And I said “Well, then go out of business.”

Personally, I’m a pretty lazy guy (and am secretly pretty shy) so I
can empathize . . . but if you’re going to survive in tough times,
you’ve got to beat that out of yourself. Like I told Carrie, you’ve
got to be willing to go out and make big promises and follow
through on them.

You’ve got a simple choice: You can kick yourself in the pants and
go out and *sell* yourself properly now . . . or you can wait until
the money’s gone dry and try to do it then. Not pretty. Not fun.
But necessary.

Sorry I don’t have a magic bullet for you. But shy people don’t
tend to do well as entrepreneurs. (Unless they learn how to hide
that shyness behind a mask of frightening confidence. Not that I
would know anything about that.)

===================================
Howard Howell asks “How do I interest biz owners and pro service
providers in investing in their own education by attending my paid
workshops on entrepreneurial sales and profits?”
===================================

You scare them.

Scare the bejeeezus out of them, actually.

And I’m not really kidding.

Howard, honestly, you’re in one of the easier niches to sell in
this kind of economy. The “learn how to make more money” niche. The
key is, you’ve got to outline in exact detail the huge BENEFITS of
learning your system.

* How much more *money* will I make if I attend your training?
* What *huge problems* will you solve for me?
* What *massive regrets* will I have if I *don’t* come to your
seminar?
* What *ridiculously generous* guarantee will you give me that your
workshop is worth my time?

I’d also start tying the bad state of the economy directly into
your marketing. Bring up the crumbling economy and tell your
prospects that you’ve got the system to beat it.

Whew. And I think that’s all we have room for today.

I’ve still got a ton of questions stacked up in my inbox. What I’ll
probably do is pick a few to highlight on the blog. So if you don’t
see your question answered here, don’t panic. I’ll try and get to
it as soon as I can.

You can find the blog at Haddadink.com/blog

And you can get in touch with me just by replying to this email.

Later skaters,

Chris

If you’ve been following me on twitter you know that I spent the weekend down in Las Vegas at Ken Mcarthur’s JV Alert Live Seminar . . .

Or, well, I spent the weekend near Las Vegas anyway.

For some reason or other Ken decided to have the seminar at the Montelago Village Resort and Casino . . . which is a weird and worrisome not-quite-a-ghost-town-but-close megaresort about 17 miles from the Las Vegas strip.

The place is downright creepy . . . and would probably be a great setting for a zombie movie.

On the upside, the resort has a man-made lake and is within spitting distance of Celine Dion’s house.

On the downside, the Montelago is suffering a slow and depressing death and is 17 MILES FROM THE STRIP. (Oh grand vision of Las Vegas, why must you tempt me so.)

As for the Seminar itself, I’d give it an A- for networking and a solid C for actual content and value. I met some amazing people in my 4 days at the Montelago, solidified some existing relationships and cooked up quite a few evil schemes that will pay off in the future.

But I didn’t learn a thing.

One by one the speakers clambered up onto the stage, told their life stories and launched into a pitch without delivering anything close to actual value.

Maybe I’ve been spoiled by Eben Pagan, but these days I expect to actually get some value for my hard earned cash.

Even Joe Sugarman, who I was greatly looking forward to meeting, completely failed to deliver. His talk was titled something like “How To Improve Your Copy In 3 Easy Steps” but he spent 2 hours talking about Batman Credit cards and failed ads and then tried to sell us skin cream.

It was surreal.

I still love the whole JV Alert crowd. They’re all warm, passionate people and I consider many of them to be good friends, but if you’re going to go, go for the networking and skip the pitchfest in the room.

Me: “Is it a nice room?”

Her: “Oh, it’s a very nice room.”

Me: “Really?”

Her: “I like this room so much that if you don’t like it you can go down to the water, grab a piece of driftwood and come back here and  beat me with it.”

Pretty great guarantee, huh?
I bet there’s a whole newsletter in there somewhere, but I already covered a lot of this stuff in the last issue.

Welcome back to the all new, all different Hard Working Words Newsletter.

In just a moment I’m going to let you in on the “secret” that top copywriters and marketers rely on to make their offers absolutely irresistible and to blow sales through the roof . . . .

But first a little housekeeping . . .

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Surgery Schmurgery
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As many of you know, I went in for back surgery two Fridays ago. I was nervous as hell before going under the knife, but so far the results have been absolutely miraculous. For the first time in four years I feel like I can stand up straight and walk like a man. I’ve still got some tingle in my right foot and I need to get back to stretching and taking care of myself, but so far so good. Thanks to everyone for the well wishes, especially you folks who have been following me on Twitter.

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I Wish I Could Wear A Suit To Work
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Most days I wear yoga pants and an old T-shirt to work (and, lately, a mustache. It’s temporary. I promise.) but sometimes I yearn for the days when you had to wear a suit to work and 5 martini lunches were the norm. And when that happens, I watch “Mad Men.” You’ve probably heard of this show (it’s about Madison Ave. Ad guys in 1960) but if you haven’t, check it out. Awesome stuff.

And now for the main event . . .

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I Want You To *Rip Me Off*
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It happens over and over and over . . .

As a high fallutin’ marketing consultant and copywriter I’ve got a *lot* of people calling me up and asking me to help them with their copy.

I mean a *lot.* Mountains . . .

Unfortunately, most of the business folk who call me up need help with more than just their copy. They need a fundamental readjustment of how they look at their business and what the heck it is that they’re actually offering.

After all, as I’ve said before, your copy really is only the *third* most important part of your marketing.

First is your list . . . how hot and ready to buy are the people you’re selling to?

Second is your offer . . . what the heck are you actually selling them and why is it a screaming deal?

And then third you’ve got your copy . . . the actual words on the page that create romance and mystery and seal the deal.

The bad news is that most business people have had *no idea* how to put together a truly compelling offer.

So let me just lay it on the table . . .

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The Secret To Truly “Kick Ass” Offers
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What’s the secret to a truly “kick ass” offer?

Simple: When your prospect reads (or hears about) your offer, it should appear to be so compelling and so utterly generous that they feel like they’re RIPPING YOU OFF.

When your prospect takes out their credit card and buys what you’ve got to sell, they should feel like they’re not just getting the better end of the deal . . . they should feel like they’re taking advantage of you, stealing your lunch money and leaving you wheeping and shivering in the hallway wondering what the hell went wrong.

This is something I actually learned from marketing great Jeff Paul. When I’ve worked with Jeff in the past, he’s always pushed me to figure out how to pump up the offer and make it an absolute no brainer that your prospects will KICK THEMSELVES if they miss out on it.

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So How Do You Turn Your Offer Into A True “Rip Off?”
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Good question . . . .

1. Be Generous.

Way too many marketers and business folk out there are stingy in what they give out. They either don’t include bonuses at all, or they pack their products with untargeted BS bonuses that nobody actually wants.

Ask yourself, what do my prospects truly want that I can give them at low or no cost that will skyrocket the VALUE of my product? And then give it away.

2. Sell A Kick Butt Package with high perceived Value.

There’s that V word again. A good offer needs to have multiple components, all of which resonate with the core desires of your audience. Which is just a fancy way of saying, “You’ve got to give your prospects what they really want and give it to them at a price they think is a STEAL.”

Now, that doesn’t mean you have to be “cheap.” I’ve sold packages for $5k or $6k that had a “real value” in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. The key is that you’ve got to spend the time really laying out what your product and its components are WORTH and compare it to the tiny, tiny amount of money you’re asking your prospect to pay.

3. Be Creative.

Uh oh. Among Direct Marketers, creativity is a dirty word. But when you’re crafting your offer is one of the few times you’re really allowed to let your creativity shine. How creative can you be in your payment terms to make it as easy as possible for your prospect to buy from you . . . and still make money?

Can you cover shipping? Can you send them the package for 30 days for free to try out? Anything you can do to “grease the chute” will make your offer sing.

4. Think long term.

This is the biggie. Remember, you’re not trying to make just one sale; you’re trying to get a customer for life. If that means making LESS profit up front, go for it. Be generous. Put yourself out there. Put yourself at the mercy of your customers. And once you’ve got your prospect hooked on what you’ve got to sell, reel em in again and again.

Got it? Good.

Now I’m going to go enjoy my brand spanking new back. =-)

If you’ve got any interest at all in making a damn good living slinging words then I’d highly recommend that pop over to Michel Fortin’s Blog and read his latest article.

Michel had a jaded, angry (and kind of rude) “wannabe” copywriter write and demand the “truth” about making six figures.

And Michel’s response is worth reading again and again and again.

Work to do.

Catch you later.