Ever since I was a kid I’ve had a mad on for the exclamation point.
It taunted me, sitting there on the page, telling me how excited I should be that Spot can run! And jump! And bark! and do all sorts of other super exciting things!
I hate the exclamation point. Despise it. If the exclamation point were lying on the street, gasping for air, I would sneak on by with a smirk on my face and hope to high heaven that dastardly piece of punctuation didn’t cling to life too long.
Why do I hate Mr. Exclamation Point so much? I mean, I’m a copywriter, right? A profession know for using the “point” to shuddering excess while hawking soap and Sudafed and prime, prime, (PRIME!) real estate in Florida.
I hate the exclamation point because, most of the time, the exclamation point is used like a whacky mustache on a boring banker.
It might make our bow-tie-wearing stentorian money lender look more exciting, but doesn’t actually make him more exciting.
It’s a disguise. A little piece of distracting fluff meant to trick your brain into thinking what your reading is much, much more exciting than it actually is.
In other words, a whole bunch of the time, the exclamation point is a lie.
“But, Chris, if you hate the exclamation point so much, how are we supposed to point out that something is exciting?”
Ahh, good question. Here’s the trick. Write something that actually is exciting.
I know, I know. Radical idea. But instead of just appending that damnable mark to the end of boring prose, why not, you know, write something that gets people honestly emotional?
Sorry about the blog black out lately. I blame December. And mountains of work. And he all new Haddadink.com which no, is not up yet, but yes, will totally rock.
More
Hey folks,
Welcome back to the Hardworking Words newsletter (now in beautiful black and white!). It’s been almost two years since I launched this crazy thing. In all that time we’ve laughed, we’ve cried and hopefully we’ve learned something. If you’re feeling nostalgic (or just want to fill your brain with marketing goodness) check out the HWW archive at http://haddadink.com/newsletter/.
In today’s issue you’ll learn the answers to:
-What does Married with Children’s Al Bundy know about target marketing that most business people don’t?
-What deadly emotion can stop your sales in their tracks and send your marketing plan right to its room without any supper?
===============================
Al Bundy Sold Women’s Shoes
===============================
When I was a kid, one of my favorite TV shows was “Married with Children.”
Ever Sunday night, my dad, my brother and I would plop down on the couch and watch the Bundy clan go through their white trash ballet. It was TV for the rest of us–the folks who didn’t fit the Cosby mold and who couldn’t even fathom why those “Family Ties” were so damned strong.
“Married” was smart in its utter idiocy. And Ed O’Neil, as washed up football player and shoe salesman Al Bundy, taught me more about the sales game than any five books on the subject.
Because you see, Al Bundy was a *bad* salesman. He hectored his customers, insulted them to their faces and got horrible shivers every time he had to help a less-than-svelte lady try on a new pair of pumps.
But Al still managed to keep his family in ramen noodles and beer.
Why?
Because Al Bundy Sold *Women’s* Shoes.
And because Al Bundy knew what 90% of marketers out there don’t know. Al Bundy knew that he was *not* his target market.
And odds are, neither are you.
==================
“But *I* Don’t Like That. ”
==================
Good copy–and good marketing in general–is ego-less.
Now, I’m not saying you personally have to be some sort of detached zen master.
But when you’re putting together your marketing, writing up your sales letter or preparing an email blast (or even if you’re paying someone to do it for you), you’ve got to remember that what you personally like and what you’d personally respond to is about as important as what color socks Neil Armstrong wore on the moon.
Because you are not your target market any more than Al Bundy was an overweight woman in the Chicago burbs.
“But Chris, I’m not a washed-up 40-year-old ex-high-school-football star selling women’s shoes! I’m a yogi selling yoga stuff! I’m a hip 30 year old massage therapist selling to hip 30 year olds! I’m a tech executive selling to technology companies! I AM My target market! Aren’t I?”
Eh. You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But even if you fit the demographic (and demographics aren’t worth much in my opinion) or psychographic profile of your target to a key, you still aren’t them.
Why?
Because you know too much. You know too much about the product. You know too much about all the hard work you’ve done building your business.
And because as a business owner or a marketer your ego is right there in the middle of your head second guessing every decision you make and encouraging you to put out marketing materials that you think *should* work as opposed to what *does* work. And when you’ve got that kind of attitude rolling around in your head–when you let your ego drive the bus–you’re heading for a time-consuming and costly business breakdown.
So here’s your prescription:
Next time you’re planning a campaign, writing a marketing piece or just looking over a design or some copy an outside vendor put together for, I want you to close your eyes right there at your desk, take a deep meditative breath and say “Al Bundy Sold Women’s Shoes.” Repeat it to yourself over and over like a mantra. Let it sink in deep.
Then think about your actual target market. Paint a picture of them in your head. Get it sharp, from the way they stand, to the worries bouncing around their brains to that little scar on their left cheek.
And then–and only then, after your ego has been sent to its room without any supper–can you get to work.
If you want to talk about this more, shoot me a line at chris@haddadink.com
======================================
See you next month, folks. In the meantime pop on by the Hard
Working Words Blog at http://www.haddadink.com/blog or listen to my
dulcet tones at the Biznik Podcast at
http://www.biznik.com/podcasts. And keep an eye out for my new
blog, podcastmarketingtricks.com, launching sometime next week.
=======================================
About This Newsletter and Your Subscription
=======================================
©2006 Haddad Ink. Copywriting Services. All Rights Reserved.
If you like this article
=======================
Feel fre*e to share it with your own list, post it on
your site, post it on your blog, or add it to your
autoresponder. As long as you leave it intact and
don’t alter it in anyway. All links must remain
in the article.
And give me a shout out asking folks to subscribe by emailing
hwwords@aweber.com
Please notify me when my article is used online and off line.
===================================================
More
Here’s a little tiny writing trick I use a lot to keep people reading my copy.
When you were a kid, your English teacher probably told you that all your paragraphs had to have at least three sentences. Of course she also told you never to start a sentence with “And” and to stop putting your gum in Suzy Ellis’ hair or you were going right to the pricipal’s office.
But in the real world, rockity rhythm is a lot more important than following the rules.
See, if you want to keep people engaged in the copy you’re reading, you’ve got to keep it rhythmically interesting.
And one of the easiest and most effective ways to do that is to throw the old “Three sentence” rule out the window and to start breaking up your copy into smaller and smaller chunks.
You know, like beats in music. With the space in between being a rest.
So here’s your homework:
Next time you’re writing something.
Say an email or a letter.
Try breaking it down into
small
little
chunks.
And see what happens.
Now, obviously this a trick that’s easy to abuse. And most folks are going to get annoyed if you make every sentence its own paragraph. But used effectively? It’s a great way to send your customers brains spinning and their eyes on down the page.
More
I just got off stage where I played a rousing game of “What, so what?” with my good friend Scott Bourne. Scott held a room of rabid podcasters rapt as her laid out all the basics of how you can turn a passion for niche-casting into cold hard cash.
So if you’re here after seeing Scott and I at the expo, welcome and I hope you’ll stick around as I throw a little marketing speak your way.
What’s the core marketing concept every podcaster and niche-media mogul needs to know if they want to attract honest to goodness advertisers?
Just this:
People are selfish. Really selfish. Spend all the time in the world crafting an absolutely gorgeous audio ad, shell out the hard cash for your very own voice of god and work your fingers to the cold white bone and you know what? Most people–most consumers–won’t care. They won’t care about the soccer games you missed, the money you spent or that vacation you just know you could take if you could just get a couple of folks to buy from you’re loving sponsor.
Consumers only care about one thing: “What’s in it for me? How is this product or service going to make my life better, make my day simpler and let me do things I just couldn’t do before?”
If you can’t answer those questions — if you can’t let go of facts, figures and [-B features B-], and paint a compelling picture of the wondrous benefits the product or service you’re selling will provide, you’re doomed and damned to marketing purgatory.
So, when putting together your ads and marketing podcasts, take a deep breath, close your eyes and will yourself to translate your boring features into bombastic benefits. If you’re a consultant, don’t tell me about your four year degree from Harvard, instead, focus on the peace of mind I’ll experience knowing an Ivy League intellect is hard at work on the job. If you’re selling sports cars, don’t waste precious space prattling on about cubic inches, torque and horsepower. Instead, paint a picture of how powerful I’ll feel as I barrel down the road, gunning the engine, outrunning my humdrum life, and driving off into the sunset with a sultry waif giggling sexily by my side.
In other words, show me what’s in it for me.
Eager to know more? Drop me a line. Or if you’re at the conference call me on my cell at 206-550-5558.
More
Gary Bencivenga (gotta love that name) just posted a new edition of his “Bencivenga Bullets” up on the web for all to see. Gary is widely held to be the absolute greatest Copywriter of all time, and you’d better believe that when he opens his brain and says “dig in” I put everything else I’m doing aside and grab a spork.
In this issue Gary lets us in on the biggest thing you need to keep in mind when planning your marketing strategy.
Check it out.
More
A client just put a postcard under my nose and asked me what I thought of it. I took a look, scanned through the copy, noted the lack of a headline and then said “Well, there’s a whole lot wrong with it, but the big thing is this: You never ask for anything. You never tell the reader to call you. Instead you’ve just got your phone number up there in the corner hoping that some kind soul might notice it.”
And then I gave him “The Dance Analogy.”
It goes like this: Just having your contact info up there and assuming somebody will use it is a lot like walking up to a girl at your seventh grade dance and saying “dancing is fun.”
And then just standing there, waiting for her to do something and hoping your fly is zipped.
If you want to get out on that floor, you’ve got to ask. You’ve got to say “Do you want to dance?” and stand there and take the answer.
Otherwise, why did you show up in the first place?
More
I get cornered all the time by folks desperate to learn the secret of writing perturbingly powerful prose. And while writing damned good copy could (and has) filled volumes, the best advice I can give anyone who wants to pump up their writing is this: Write like you talk.
Yes, I know you feel like you’ve got your fifth grade English teacher standing over your shoulder ready to slam your wrists to hell for splitting infinitives or starting a sentence with “and.”
But if you want to sell to people, you’ve got to sound like a real life human being.
So here’s your copywriting trick of the day: Next time you need to write an email, a brochure, a sales letter or even a laundry list, do it out out loud.
You can whisper if you have to (or if you’re afraid that Jenny from accounting–you know, the one with the hips–will think you’ve gone nuts). Or you can put on your phone headset and pretend you’re on a very important call.
But just start talking. And type down exactly what you say, complete with weird pauses, strange sentence starts and off-color colon use. In the end you’ll have done your part to fight back against the epidemic of “corp speak” and will have a piece about 15 thousand times more likely to get a response.
Stay chilly.
c
More
This little bit of magic comes from Dan Kennedy’s “The Ultimate Sales Letter Book.”
It’s the ten questions Dan always asks his clients before sitting down to write those blockbuster mail promotions he’s famous for.
Ready?
1. What keeps [your customers] awake at night, indigestion boiling up their esophagus, eyes open, staring at the ceiling?
2. What are they afraid of?
3. What are they angry about? Who are they angry at?
4. What are their top three daily frustrations?
5. What trends are occurring and will occur in their business lives?
6. What do they secretly, ardently desire most?
7. Is there a built-in bias to the way they make decisions? (I.E. Engineers=exceptionally analytical.)
8. Do they have their own language?
9. Who else is selling something similar to them, and how?
10. Who else has tried to sell them something similar and how has that effort failed?
Now, I stumbled onto this list while doing a little light reading this morning (I spend way too much of my time with marketing and copywriting books pushed up under my nose) and was struck by a few things that are worth noting:
-Any list that has the word “esophagus” in it is A OK with me.
-Nowhere in this list does Dan ask for demographics like age, weight or race. (Now, I like to know at least some of that info, but too many marketers make the deadly assumption that all middle-class, 50-year-old white men are the same.)
-Number ten is legitimately something I had never thought to ask before. We all know failure is a great teacher (The most successful people I know today failed many times getting there) but it’s not just a teacher for the folks doing the failing.
Study your competition, and when they fall down, get real close and examine the mud on their faces. You’ll learn something.
And now I’m off to go camping. No blogging, writing or email for 2 whole days. I doubt I’ll survive. Tell Martha and the kids I love them. And don’t you shed a tear. I’m going with my boots on.
c
More
I was digging through some old comic books this morning and came across this classic of an ad. You probably recognize it. It’s been parodied and played upon for years and years and years. And it’s also made absolutely millions for “Charles Atlas” and his publishing company.
It’s also a great example of the “What are you really selling?” principle.
When I sit down with my consulting clients, the first question I almost always ask is “What are you selling?” And my clients usually spout something off about widgets or wombats or massages or “solutions” (God, I hate that word.) I let them talk. I let them prattle a bit. And then, when I think they’re just about out of steam, I jump in with “Ok, that’s great, but what are you really selling?”
Take a look at the Atlas ad, for instance. What he’s selling is nothing more than a book–a “complete body building class” that’s probably a hundred loosely bound pages of leg presses and squat thrusts based around the principles of “dynamic tension.”
But what is he really selling?
Pride. Power. Sex. In no ambiguous terms, this ad says “Buy this course (and no, we aren’t going to give you details on the course here, you’ll have to send us 2 bucks to learn more about it) and you’ll be ‘The hero of the beach.’”
Which is a pretty compelling promise. It’s a pretty big one to keep. But this ad–or ads very similar to it–have run for years and years and years in the back of comic books and magazines.
Honestly, I could spend another hour digging through and picking out things this ad does right (the “surgeon general” bit at the bottom right corner is a gem, as is the fact that they don’t try to sell the course in the ad, they just try to get you to send in for more info–a great example of the “How much are you asking for?” principle which I’ll dive into in another post.), but instead I’ll just point you toward charlesatlas.com and leave you with this little question: What are you really selling?
P.S. It might look old timey, but I found this ad in a comic published in 2001 (hence the website.) The Atlas folks know they’re famous for their ads, and they’re smart enough not to mess with a good thing.
More
My platonic life partner in marketing Dominic Canterbury found this plastered across the window of a car yesterday.
Talk about knowing your niche. This guy’s got the “piece of crap car about to fall apart” market cornered and doesn’t waste even one second talking to people who wouldn’t be interested in his service. Does it take him more effort to reach each customer? Probably, but I bet his return rate is freaking astronomical.
Good job, Tom. Good job!!
More
