Sorry, Roger . . . Praying won't make people pay for your website.

Roger Ebert can’t figure out how to make money on the internet . . .

Which to me, seems downright weird . . .

On his (excellent) blog last week Roger posted a loooong and amusing ramble about how “nobody” can figure out how to make money online . . .

(Well, nobody but porn stars, shysters and fundraiser-happy religious kooks anyway . . .)

Personally, I think Roger is one of the sharpest writers and smartest dudes working in pop culture today . .

But when it comes to internet marketing, he’s downright dumb . . .

Here’s why . . .

In info marketing (which is the world I live and play in online and, really, what Roger Ebert does every single day) you’ve got three major pieces of “fuel” that drive your ability to pull in the bucks online . . .

1. Is Traffic . . . getting people to actually show up on your website in the first place and STICK AROUND long enough to consume some of your content, drive the “authority” of your site up and ( you know) maybe even BUY something . . .

2. Is Credibility . . .Do people who show up on your site like and trust you? Do they LISTEN to what you say? Do they think that what you offer to the world is actually valuable in some way? Are they willing to pay for the information that you’ve got to offer?

3. Is Conversion . . . the actual copy and mechanism that gets people to pull out their credit cards, type in that loooong string of numbers and actually give you the cash you’re doing all this for in the first place.

Now, Roger has number 1 in spades . . .

And has a really damned healthy dose of number 2 as well (though maybe not in the way that he thinks) . . .

(In fact, I’m willing to bet that if you asked your average “in the trenches” internet marketer if they could make a boatload of cash with the traffic and credibility that Roger Ebert has (and do so ethically and without pulling any sneaky tricks at all)  . . .well, they’d do backflips of joy and go on a three week product creation bender that could only end armies of dollars marching lockstep into their bank account  . . .)

But Number 3 (Conversion) is Where The Venerable Mr. Ebert is Absolutely Falling Down On The Job . . .

Here’s the full text of Roger’s “pitch” for his “Ebert Club”  . . .

Roger "kind of sort of" wants to invite you to join his club . . . maybe. If you feel like it. No pressure. At all.

Dear Readers:

Most web sites generate less income than they cost to maintain. Mine is no exception. Because I want to preserve free access to the site, I’ve come up with an idea I’d like to run by you. I’m announcing The Ebert Club, which will offer a group of additional attractions and conveniences for members.

Membership in the club will not be expensive. Through March, we’ll have a special introductory rate of $4.99 for a year’s membership. After April 1, the price will shoot up to $5. No, this is not an April Fool’s joke. April 1 is the date I was appointed movie critic of the Sun-Times,
and I plan to live it up.

Your membership benefits will include:

1. The site’s RSS/Newsletter feed, which Includes quick clickable links to all my new reviews and other site content. (Full disclosure: This will also continue to be free).

2. Quick links to my Special Pages for Twitter. These are free-standing web pages I create on the spur of a notion.

3. Quick links to new postings on Roger Ebert’s Journal and Jim Emerson’s Scanners.

4. Selected @ebertchicago, winnowed to improve the signal to noise ratio. All the joys of following my Twitter stream, from the comfort of your inbox.

5. A private discussion thread for Club members. This will resemble one of the comment threads on my Journal, but its URL will be made available to members only.

6. The Web Report: Unexpected and delightful web discoveries. I find links myself. Readers send me amazing pages. As a club member, we will not bother you with anything dumb.

7. Occasional Special Pages for club members only.

8. Advance notice of Ebertfest tickets going on sale. The festival sells out early every year. At Ebertfest, I’ll hold a meet-and-greet for club members.

9. You will be helping enormously to support this web site. Well, that’s worth something, isn’t it?

10. We’re open to your suggestions about live chats for Club members only and things like that.

Click on the link below if you’d like to join us.

Thank you,

Roger

Uhhhh . . .

Sorry, Roger . . . paying continuity money (even cheap continuity money on a yearly basis) for vague promises of “additional stuff I find online” or “because it’ll help me keep this site up” ain’t gonna play in Peoria. Just ask NPR . . .they’ve been trying this tactic for years without too much success.

If you want to monetize the considerable amount of traffic, credibility and good will you’ve built up over the last several decades in the American consciousness, you’ve got to offer whopping  amounts of value above and beyond what the masses get for free.

Typically when I’m helping my clients craft offers (or doing it for my own products) I try to create a sense of value that has my customers feeling like they’re RIPPING ME OFF by buying from me  . . .

(Or getting at least 10 times the value out of my products as they’re putting in monetarily.)

Now, my real recommendation to Roger would be to “go to the well” and really think about what kind of “high value” stuff he could offer to his club members that the masses at large don’t get . . . Basically a wholesale rethink on his offer and the structure of his club.

This could mean re-purposing content by creating  audio or video versions of reviews and articles (Obviously, Roger has a challenge on the multimedia front since he lost his voice several years ago, but there’s no reason an assistant or staff member couldn’t do this) . . . writing additional “members only” content that has a high perceived value . .  .offering “writing tips” for aspiring writers, doing a “Ebert University” where he puts together a “curriculum” for aspiring film makers or film critics (though there’s precious little money in film criticism unless you’re . . uhh . . . Roger Ebert) and otherwise finding ways to monetize the vast amount of knowledge Roger has in his head.

But for this blog post let’s just focus on what he’s decided to offer and pick apart the way he’s presented it. As you’ll discover as we go through Roger’s pitch he’s made quite a few mistakes in his writing and the way he talks about his offer that are sure to drive the masses away in droves.

ASIDE: I also think Roger has  made a mistake in the pricing . . . and that he may actually make MORE sales with a higher price point (weird, I know . . . but $4.99 a year just wreaks of “I picked this price out of a hat and don’t really think what I have to offer is very valuable. No good.)

Now, obviously Roger’s doing a very soft sell here . . . he’s basically putting this out to his readership as a way to “maybe, if you want to, if you feel like it, help me out.”

That’s all well and good if you’re trying to “be nice” or don’t like asking for cashola  . . .  but let’s see if we can PUMP UP the selling power of what he’s got without descending too far into the fun and whacky world of hypes ville.

Let’s start with the open . . .

Dear Readers:

Most web sites generate less income than they cost to maintain. Mine is no exception. Because I want to preserve free access to the site, I’ve come up with an idea I’d like to run by you. I’m announcing The Ebert Club, which will offer a group of additional attractions and conveniences for members.

Membership in the club will not be expensive. Through March, we’ll have a special introductory rate of $4.99 for a year’s membership. After April 1, the price will shoot up to $5. No, this is not an April Fool’s joke. April 1 is the date I was appointed movie critic of the Sun-Times,
and I plan to live it up.

Problem #1: Roger’s opening this up with a “hat in the hand” pitch. Not to get too mean here, but this open reads a little whiny and lacks confidence (As any woman will tell you, confidence is sexy.) “My site doesn’t make any money. I need to find a way to make it make money or I’m going to have to make EVERYBODY pay.”

Problem #2: There’s really no implied or obvious benefit listed out in the open. At no point in these two paragraphs does he give any compelling reason why (or “What’s in it for me?”) for his prospective customer to latch onto.

I always say that “Marketing Is The Art Of Making A Promise And Keeping It” . . . but in order to do that you’ve got to make a promise in the first place. What’s the “reason why” folks should be downright excited about joining the Ebert Club? And no “Because you should feel guilty about getting my content for free” isn’t a good reason why.  People get a lot of content for free these days and if you try to guilt them into paying they’ll just go somewhere else.

The Fix . . . Make your open about the big problem that’s causing you to create this club in the first place, the big benefit to the prospect and the ridiculous deal they’re going to get.

Something along the lines of . . . (Have made an effort to keep this relatively “Ebertized” and low hype . . . not 100% happy with it but it shows you what I mean.)

Dear friend,

As a wise man once said “My loss is your gain . . .”

And in this case my (small) loss is going to lead to you gaining a lot . .

Here’s what this is all about . . .

You might not know this, but running a site like this is a stupidly expensive proposition . . .

In fact, in an average month the site loses about ($X) in bandwidth fees, hosting and other miscellaneous costs above and beyond what we pull down in advertising dollars.

While I love doing the site, “Paying to work” seems like a dodgy proposition to me.

So in order to keep my blog and website humming at the high-quality clip you’ve come to expect, I’ve decide to create an exclusive and limited “club” for my best, most loyal and most active readers . . . a way for you to get a higher and better level of access to me, to “see behind the curtain” on what it’s like to be America’s premier film critic and to get access to content that I simply don’t share with anyone else.

I’m calling this new group “The Roger Ebert Club” . . . and while I plan on keeping it quite affordable (for now) I’m also going to keep membership strictly limited to (X) number of people at this introductory rate.

You get the idea. The key here is to focus on what they’re getting (greater access etc.) to build exclusivity and scarcity and to generally make it seem “kind of cool” to be a member of the club. I dig the “April fools” joke from the original but feel like it takes the legs out from under Roger in his pitch. Notice that I took away the “I’m thinking of doing” language as well as the bit about “features and attractions” . . . that’s good “film language” but it doesn’t do much to pull in the fans.

Let’s move on to Roger’s bullets . . .

Your membership benefits will include:

1. The site’s RSS/Newsletter feed, which Includes quick clickable links to all my new reviews and other site content. (Full disclosure: This will also continue to be free).

Big mistake: You always want to open up with your most compelling and most powerful benefits . . . the bits that are going to get people to stand up and take notice. In this case, Roger’s leading with a “feature” that’s already free, that’s going to continue to be free and that really isn’t a piece of the “Ebert Club” at all. Your first bullet or “attraction” as Roger calls it sets the tone for the rest of your pitch . . . I’m willing to bet that a lot of potential converts click off the page after reading this bullet since it’s so weak.

The fix: Delete this bullet entirely. It’s a waste of space and shoots you in the foot before you even get started.

2. Quick links to my Special Pages for Twitter. These are free-standing web pages I create on the spur of a notion.

3. Quick links to new postings on Roger Ebert’s Journal and Jim Emerson’s Scanners.

Big Mistake: In both of these, Roger is focusing 100% on a “feature” (what it “is”) as opposed to a benefit (what it does FOR ME as a reader.)

Personally, I don’t really care about “links” I’ve got plenty of “links” in my life already. Roger’s job in this case is to translate these features into tangible, dimensionalized benefits that I can quickly grasp . . .

Soo . . .

The fix . . .

2. Quick links emailed to your inbox to my special pages for twitter. These are pieces of content and insight that I create “on the fly” during the work day on any number of topics that strike me .  . . as a Ebert Club member, you’ll have access to these content pages pushed directly towards you without having to sort through an endless stream of “noise on Twitter” and without having to take “surfing” time away from your busy day.

3. You’ll also get instant links to new posting on my Roger Ebert’s Journal blog or Jim Emerson’s Scanners. That means you’ll be the first to hear when a new blog post is put up . . . will have “first shot” at commenting on the blog post (and the bragging rights that go with it).

Notice how I use “that means” in the copy above. It’s a pretty simple mechanism but it forces you to actually spell out what’s in it for the customer instead of relying on them to do the math themselves. (They won’t.)

Let’s move on . .

4. Selected @ebertchicago, winnowed to improve the signal to noise ratio. All the joys of following my Twitter stream, from the comfort of your inbox.

Not terrible. Again, I’d pump up the benefit here . . .

4. You’ll get selected and edited “@ebertchicago” twitter messages sent directly to your inbox . . . that means you’ll get just the “good stuff” from my Twitter stream without the typcial noise or “@replies” that can slow down your reading or enjoyment of the content (and that non-members will have to continue to muddle through.)

Notice again, it’s just about spelling out why this is an actual benefit to the reader. Like with a lot of this stuff, I think that what Roger is really offering is too “weak” to build a program around, but if its what he’s going to use, it’s what he’s going to use.

5. A private discussion thread for Club members. This will resemble one of the comment threads on my Journal, but its URL will be made available to members only.

6. The Web Report: Unexpected and delightful web discoveries. I find links myself. Readers send me amazing pages. As a club member, we will not bother you with anything dumb.

7. Occasional Special Pages for club members only.

OK, this is where he starts to actually get to some meat. It’s not great meat, but it’s definitely better than what’s come before.

First off, I’d recommend that Roger lead with these three pieces of content since they’re actually compelling, exclusive and different than what everybody else is already getting for free. “special twitter links” is nice and all, but it’s not going to get me to take my credit card out.

Here’s how I’d rewrite it (and remember, these would be the lead bullets not the stuff we’ve got above.)

Membership Benefit #1: Exclusive Access To the Ebert Club Private Forum . . . As a charter member of the Ebert Club, you’ll have exclusive access to my new Ebert Club private forum. This will be built on the same structure and technology used to power the existing forums, but that’s really where the similarities end. I’ll be personally monitoring Private Forum discussion threads, replying to interesting comments throughout the day and giving a level of personal attention to this forum that I simply can’t do to the “Public” forum on the site. Plus, since it’s a “pay to play” forum the level of discussion and the commitment of the people involved will be worlds higher than the already high standards set on my “regular” forum.

Membership Benefit #2: Roger Ebert’s “Web Report” . . . Every day I receive unexpected and Delightful web discoveries from readers around the world . . . or I just stumble onto amazing stories or resources as I surf the web in search of information or research. As a Ebert Club member, I’ll share the “best of the best” of my web discoveries with you . . . stories that will thrill you, chill you or perhaps even just drive you to a rage. And I promise you here and now that I’ll never (ever) send you anything time wasting or dumb (I’m not your crazy aunt.)

Membership Benefit #3: Special “Members Only” Pages, Content And (Yes) Even Reviews . . . This won’t happen every week, but on a regular basis I’ll be sending Ebert Club members content, pages and even reviews (though typically not of movies) that simply won’t be available to anyone else. What kind of content? Well, how’d you like to read (EXAMPLES OF WHAT KIND OF CONTENT ROGER WOULD BE SENDING AND WHY IT’S AWESOME).

Ahh, see, now I feel like we’re getting somewhere. Finally we’ve got something we can latch on to and create actual benefits out of . . . stuff that’s easily worth $5 a year and possibly worth quite a bit more.

Let’s check out the last few bullets that Roger has . . .

8. Advance notice of Ebertfest tickets going on sale. The festival sells out early every year. At Ebertfest, I’ll hold a meet-and-greet for club members.

9. You will be helping enormously to support this web site. Well, that’s worth something, isn’t it?

10. We’re open to your suggestions about live chats for Club members only and things like that.

Hmm. 8 is interesting since it’s a “insider access . . .cut the line” benefit. I’d rewrite it as something like this . . .

Membership Benefit #4:”Member’s Only” Advance Notice of Ebertfest tickets going on sale . . . If you’ve tried to attend my Ebertfest film festival in previous years you know that we ALWAYS sell out (often weeks or even MONTHS in advance.) As a “Ebert Club” member, you’ll be able to “cut the line” and  grab your tickets to my highly-rated festival before the rest of the world even knows it’s time to get in line.

I’m going to skip 9 for a second (that feels like it should be a P.S. to me . . . and go right to 10 which I feel like could be pumped up a lot . . .

Membership Benefit #5: You’ll Have “My Ear” About additional content and access throughout the year . . . Have an idea for a “Live chat” where we discuss your favorite movie or genre? Wondering on my thoughts on a pop culture phenomenon? As a Ebert Club Member you’ll essentially have “my ear” and will be able to suggest pieces of content or ways of interacting with me above and beyond what we’ve already talked about here. My goal is to make membership in the Ebert Club a “no-brainer” . . . and letting you tell me what you really want out of this group seems like the best way to make this an easy choice for you to make.

Hmm. Not too bad for a rush job.

That brings us to the close and the PS (which I’m going to create out of his 9th bullet.)

Roger’s current close is an offhand . . .

Click on the link below if you’d like to join us.

Thank you,

Roger

Which is nice and all, but doesn’t exactly light the world on fire.

Here’s what I’d try . . .

“Sounds amazing Roger and I’d love to join, but how much does it cost?”

Good question.

Though I think the real question you should ask yourself is how much is a membership in an exclusive club like this truly worth to you?

What’s it worth to you to have this level of access? To be able to raise the bar of conversation? To be able to really take part in the discussion of what’s going on in film, media and politics today?

Is it worth the cost of a cup of coffee?

For a limited time, I’m offering charter membership in my “Ebert Club” at ridiculously low cost of just $4.99 . . . for a full year.

Honestly, that’s probably (much) to cheap. And I fully expect that I’ll have to raise the price (by a factor of 2, 3 or more) in the near future.

But right now this is an experiment . . . so you’ve got a chance to get in on the “ground floor” much cheaper than everyone else will have to pay in the not distant future.

Oh, and as an added bonus, if you take advantage of this offer before “Date” you’ll also receive a special “Ebert Club Charter Member” badge that will display next to your name in the regual Roger Ebert forums. That will let everyone else know that you’re a member of the club . . . and, frankly, will give you bragging rights no one else can claim.

To join, simply click the link below and enter your credit card information. You’ll be charged just $4.99 for the full year . . .and will begin to experience the benefits immediately.

Thanks for your support, and I look forward to seeing you on the Member’s only forum . . .
Yours,

Roger Ebert

P.S. There is one benefit to membership that I really haven’t mentioned here. It unpopular to talk about “altruism” in America these days, but by joining today you’ll be taking a massive step towards helping me keep this site up and free and running. That shouldn’t be the main reason you join (I firmly believe that if you give me money, you should receive massive value in return) but do know that you’ll have my personal thanks for stepping up and helping me “keep the lights on” on this site . . . In fact, I have several “bonuses” I haven’t discussed here that I plan on sending your way as my thanks.

Ahh. Not bad. Some mystery about the bonuses. Some good price justification that puts the $5 in perspective (toooooo cheap) and even some turbulence that makes them think about how they’ll kick themselves if they have to pay more in the future.

OK, now that we’ve gone this far, let’s put the whole thing together in a form we can actually read . . .

Dear friend,

As a wise man once said “My loss is your gain . . .”

And in this case my (small) loss is going to lead to you gaining a lot . .

Here’s what this is all about . . .

You might not know this, but running a site like this is a stupidly expensive proposition . . .

In fact, in an average month the site loses about ($X) in bandwidth fees, hosting and other miscellaneous costs above and beyond what we pull down in advertising dollars.

While I love doing the site, “Paying to work” seems like a dodgy proposition to me. Besides, my wife doesn’t like it  when I throw money away unless it’s on something that directly benefits her.

So in order to keep my blog and website humming at the high-quality clip you’ve come to expect, I’ve decide to create an exclusive and limited “club” for my best, most loyal and most active readers . . . a way for you to get a higher and better level of access to me, to “see behind the curtain” on what it’s like to be America’s premier film critic and to get access to content that I simply don’t share with anyone else.

I’m calling this new group “The Ebert Club” . . . and while I plan on keeping it quite affordable (for now) I’m also going to keep membership strictly limited to (X) number of people at this introductory rate.

Here’s just a small sample of what you’ll get when you become a Charter Member of the Ebert Club Today . . .

Membership Benefit #1: Exclusive Access To the Ebert Club Private Forum . . . As a charter member of the Ebert Club, you’ll have exclusive access to my new Ebert Club private forum. This will be built on the same structure and technology used to power the existing forums, but that’s really where the similarities end. I’ll be personally monitoring Private Forum discussion threads, replying to interesting comments throughout the day and giving a level of personal attention to this forum that I simply can’t do to the “Public” forum on the site. Plus, since it’s a “pay to play” forum the level of discussion and the commitment of the people involved will be worlds higher than the already high standards set on my “regular” forum.

Membership Benefit #2: Roger Ebert’s “Web Report” . . . Every day I receive unexpected and Delightful web discoveries from readers around the world . . . or I just stumble onto amazing stories or resources as I surf the web in search of information or research. As a Ebert Club member, I’ll share the “best of the best” of my web discoveries with you . . . stories that will thrill you, chill you or perhaps even just drive you to a rage. And I promise you here and now that I’ll never (ever) send you anything time wasting or dumb (I’m not your crazy aunt.)

Membership Benefit #3: Special “Members Only” Pages, Content And (Yes) Even Reviews . . . This won’t happen every week, but on a regular basis I’ll be sending Ebert Club members content, pages and even reviews (though typically not of movies) that simply won’t be available to anyone else. What kind of content? Well, how’d you like to read (EXAMPLES OF WHAT KIND OF CONTENT ROGER WOULD BE SENDING AND WHY IT’S AWESOME).

Membership Benefit #4:”Member’s Only” Advance Notice of Ebertfest tickets going on sale . . . If you’ve tried to attend my Ebertfest film festival in previous years you know that we ALWAYS sell out (often weeks or even MONTHS in advance.) As a “Ebert Club” member, you’ll be able to “cut the line” and grab your tickets to my highly-rated festival before the rest of the world even knows it’s time to get in line.

Membership Benefit #5: You’ll Have “My Ear” About additional content and access throughout the year . . . Have an idea for a “Live chat” where we discuss your favorite movie or genre? Wondering on my thoughts on a pop culture phenomenon? As a Ebert Club Member you’ll essentially have “my ear” and will be able to suggest pieces of content or ways of interacting with me above and beyond what we’ve already talked about here. My goal is to make membership in the Ebert Club a “no-brainer” . . . and letting you tell me what you really want out of this group seems like the best way to make this an easy choice for you to make.

Membership Benefit #6: Special “Edited” Versions of my @EbertChicago Twitter Stream and “Pushed To You” Access to new posts on my and Jim Emerson’s Blog . . . You’ll also receive a special “edited” version of my notoriously busy twitter stream . . . with all the noise, chaff and @replies removed so you can get to the “good stuff” right away . . . plus we’ll email you immediately whenever I make a new post on the blog so you can be the first to read the new content . . . and the first to weigh in with your comments or ideas before the masses even have a chance to know something new has gone up.

“Sounds amazing Roger and I’d love to join, but how much does it cost?”

Good question.

Though I think the real question you should ask yourself is how much is a membership in an exclusive club like this truly worth to you?

What’s it worth to you to have this level of access? To be able to raise the bar of conversation? To be able to really take part in the discussion of what’s going on in film, media and politics today?

Is it worth the cost of a cup of coffee?

For a limited time, I’m offering charter membership in my Ebert Club at ridiculously low cost of just $4.99 . . . for a full year.

Honestly, that’s probably (much) too cheap. And I fully expect that I’ll have to raise the price (by a factor of 2, 3 or more) in the near future.

But right now this is an experiment . . . so you’ve got a chance to get in on the “ground floor” much cheaper than everyone else will have to pay in the not distant future.

Oh, and as an added bonus, if you take advantage of this offer before (Date) you’ll also receive a special “Ebert Club Charter Member” badge that will display next to your name in the regular Roger Ebert forums. That will let everyone else know that you’re a member of the club . . . and, frankly, will give you bragging rights no one else can claim.

To join, simply click the link below and enter your credit card information. You’ll be charged just $4.99 for the full year . . . and will begin to experience the benefits immediately.

Thanks for your support, and I look forward to seeing you on the Member’s only forum . . .

Yours,

Roger Ebert

P.S. There is one benefit to membership that I really haven’t mentioned here. It’s unpopular to talk about “altruism” in America these days, but by joining today you’ll be taking a massive step towards helping me keep this site up and free and running. That shouldn’t be the main reason you join (I firmly believe that if you give me money, you should receive massive value from me in return) but do know that you’ll have my personal thanks for stepping up and helping me “keep the lights on” on this site . . . In fact, I have several “bonuses” I haven’t discussed here that I plan on sending your way as my thanks.

And there you have it.

Now, there’s still changes I would make (I’d have a proper headline and subhead . . .I’d probably raise the price  . . . I’d think of other benefits that could be pushed in like discounts to movies, a sponsorship deal with Netflix etc. But you get the idea.)

Comments? Bring em on.

It was "this" big . . .

Whew!

I rolled back into Seattle on Saturday night after a whirlwind (and drama-packed) trip to Stamford, Connecticut to speak at Ryan Lee’s “Continuity Summit” event . . .

This was my first “official” speaking engagement in the IM space (I’ve been a guest and on panels a bunch) and I gotta admit I was a little nervous about it.

Got lots of feedback saying I was the best presenter on Thurs (and one of the best of the weekend) . . .

Here’s some of the exhausting (and awesome) lessons I learned along the way . . .

1. No matter where I am in the country (or the world) no one will EVER be able to say my last name the right way. I recently decided to stop fighting the momentum and let people call me Chris “hah dahd” instead of the Massachusetts inflected (and nasally) “had Dad” (I had a Dad but now I don’t . .. ohhh, Morbid.)

I look artsy.

Ryan managed to go off into some new world of weirdness though by calling me Chris “hay Dad” before going up there. Ry is an East Coast boy so I was shocked. I give up. I’m changing my last name to “Smith.”

2. “Slow” Chris is still REALLY fast for most people. I pulled hard on the mental hand brake to try to keep my rate of speech at a level the crowd would be able to understand and my RAMPANT ADHD under control . . . but I was still burning through the content and rocketing through the funny (and inappropriate) at every turn. My buddy (and minion for the weekend) Mason told me he had lots of folks commenting on my SUPER SPEED deliver style even though he knew I was downright SEDATE up there. (I forgot to do it, but originally I was going to select someone from the audience and ask them to be my “speedometer” . .  .charged with waving their hands in the air any time I went too fast. Gotta include that next time.)

3. I opened up my talk asking the audience how many of them just LOVED writing copy . . . and a whole bunch of people raised their hands . . . In retrospect, I think most of them were lying. Or at least lying to themselves. They might like WRITING or creating “content” but I don’t think the bulk of the audience really understood how DEEP you have to go to create compelling copy . . . or how much “blood on the page” you end up leaving in your wake.

4. No matter how AWESOME you are, SOMEBODY is going to fall asleep during your presentation. Front row. Right side of the stage. Grey haired woman in glasses. I SEE YOU! (I actually cornered her later in the event and got a sheepish apology. Not really necessary . . . I mean, sheesh . . . I’ve completely ignored a TON of great presentations over the years. It’s just funny looking down while you’re dishing out the gold and seeing someone taking a siesta. Her neck must have been KILLING her when she woke up.)

5. BRING SOMETHING TO SELL . . . OUCH! At the end of the presentation I mentioned (in an offhand way) that I MIGHT put together some kind of program to teach more of my “Copy Thinking” stuff . . . and literally had people RUNNING across the room to give Mason their cards . . . Seems like a no-brainer but having a “box of stuff” to give people would have been a REALLY good idea . . .

6. I didn’t think it was possible, but you can yell “Sorry About Your Penis” at the top of your lungs in front of 400 people and not get one SINGLE complaint. (You had to be there.)

Live "Copy talking" on stage . . . turn off brain, open mouth, get applause.

7. Adrenaline is the absolute BEST cure for the common cold (and fever . . . and watery eyes. And general achy horribleness.) I was sick as a dog up there, but nobody noticed. Next time I get on stage I’m going healthy . . . and I’m not taking prisoners.

“Sounds Like Fun, Chris, But What Did You Teach Anyway?”

Good question! (You’re so smart!)

My presentation was on “Copy Thinking”  . . . and was about how to get the “Copywriting Mindset” and the ability to “think like a copywriter” even if you HATE writing and have nightmares about sharp 12 inch rulers and angry 5th grade teachers.

The first half of the presentation covered how to transform features into benefits almost automatically . . . the “emotional” secret of selling . . . how to use built in human “racism” to ethically increase your sales (seriously) . . . and my fun and profitable “Mind Bending Bullets” concept . . .

The second half was  all about SPEED . . . I’m probably the fastest copywriter working today (uhh . . . ADHD is fun) so I gave away a bunch of the tips and tricks I use to crank out the high-converting sales messaging and launch copy in shockingly little time.

And the third half (I’m bad at math) had me doing my “Copy Talking” monkey trick . . . Near the end of my presentation, Ryan hopped on stage, gave me a peanut and had me do a live “tear down” of a “Wedding Fitness” site . . . fun stuff . . . and I think the crowd was pretty shocked that I could just get the “word spew” going like that.

Anyway . . . Had a fun adventure on the way home with my luggage MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARING between Stamford and Detroit . . .

Rather than freaking out, I got eerily calm and nice, practiced non-attachment and wondered at the adventures my stuff might be going on. Somehow my bag trudged its way to Seattle all on its own and showed up on the luggage carousel in Seattle. No one can tell me how. WEIRD.

Sang Header

Hi folks,

I’m in the middle of my “Busy season” at the moment . . . criss crossing the country in giant, metal birds . . . dining in hoity toity restaurants and activating my long-dormant “schmoozing” powers for the betterment of mankind.

Which, loosely translated, means I’ve been doing a lot of travel and hitting a lot of conferences.

Most recently I popped down to LA for 5 days to attend Larry Benet’s “SANG” conference . . .

“SANG” stands for “Speakers and Authors Networking Group” . . . it’s a pretty exclusive event (you’ve got to be invited to attend) and is probably the best collection of “heavy hitters” in the speaking and personal development niche that you’ll find anywhere in the world . . .

Here are a few of my “favorite moments” from my 3 days at SANG . . .

• “Getting real” with Jack Canfield and Woody Woodward early on day one. Jack’s one of the geniuses behind the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series of books and is as close to a speaking “Rockstar” as I’ve ever met . . but he was genuine, present and sincerely interested in my business. I’d never heard of Woody Woodward before, but this guy is very successful and DRIVEN. Planning on doing great things with  him in the near future.
• Running into Ed “Al Bundy” O’Neil outside the hotel. I was a huge “Married With Children” fan when I was a kid, so getting to shake Ed’s hand was a big thrill. Didn’t chat with him for more than a second but the whole trip was worth it right there.
• Talking politics with Paul Lemberg (Strategic marketing legend) and Tom Ham (chief marketing dude at Stompernet) late at night while drunk on vodka tonics. All three of us had VERY different takes on gay marriage, health care and a few other “hot” topics . . .but the conversation stayed intelligent and civil. Really refreshing to be able to challenge someone’s ideas (and have them challenge yours) without anyone feeling insulted or attacked. Smart guys.
• Seeing John Assaraf’s (from “The Secret”) face light up when he realized I was the guy who wrote the “Secret Behind The Secret” Sales letter (You’ll be hearing about that soon.) John practically leapt out of his chair, grabbed my hand and said “You GET it!” Really great feeling (and that sales letter is pretty hot. Looking forward to showing it to you probably in a video.)
• Hanging out with Jimmy Vee and Travis from Gravitational Marketing . . . I’m scarred for life after hearing Jimmy’s “Sham Wow” parody (definitely not blog safe.)
• Getting beaten, abused and insulted by copywriting legend John Carlton. I’ve known John for a few years now. Used to be he’d keep his head down  . . . now he lights up when he sees me and brings out the big guns. Still not sure what motivated John to (literally) slap me around Thursday night while I was hanging out at the bar.
• Watching Ryan Lee’s excellent presentation on continuity income. I’d never met Ryan before, but he’s obviously got his head in the right place and is a whip-smart business dude. Rock solid priorities.
• The moment when John Carlton’s business partner Stan got all serious on me, dragged me out into the hallway and (jokingly) threatened me with legal action. It all worked out OK and I’ve been assured my Mom is safe and sound back in massachusetts now.
• Hanging with the tall, gorgeous and driven Mari Smith. She’s a social media badass and one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met.
• Meeting with Joe Sugarman, the marketing legend behind Blu Blocker sunglasses.
• Watching the harried security guards as they meekly tried to herd a roomful of millionaires . . .
• Watching Mark Victor Hansen and Bob Allen rock the stage (at one point the power went out due to vicious winds outside . .  Mark and Bob didn’t miss a beat and carried on with their odd-couple magical rambling like nothing had happened.)

And yeah, I could go on for another hour. It’s taken me two full days since getting back just to dig through the business cards and follow up on the potential projects. Amazing event. If you get the chance to go in the future, I’d recommend you

Next up I’m heading to Atlanta for Dan Kennedy and Bill Glazer’s Info-Summit 2009. Then I’m off to NYC for business (a little) and pleasure (a lot) . . . plus my bro and I will be wining and dining our Mom on her 60th Bday.

More good crunchy content once I’m back in the real world.

Not to mention the popcorn. The popcorn was really, really good.

I’ve also had a massive lunch and won a $100 in the raffle. Not a bad day so far.

I wasn’t able to sit down and blog during it, but my pre-lunch session was Jane Shanklin from Starbucks talking about “Brewing the Starbucks Brand.” It was a packed room–over packed actually. And she gave some good insight into how Starbucks (and Starbucks in-house creative in particular) does their marketing.

Big takeaway? When you’ve got 97 percent brand awareness you can do some pretty funky stuff.

No wi-fi in the lunch room, but I’ll get this posted asap.

I’ll go for summary instead:
I’ve been to two sessions since my last post. One was by a woman from Starbucks. She talked about the big S’s way of rocking and rolling on the creative end of things. My favorite bit was when they ran a tube from a Starbucks way up to David Letterman’s office so he could have coffee whenever he wants.

Lunchtime was a tremendously guy named John from Drugstore.com. Key takeaway? Demographic targeting isn’t worth much. One to one marketing isn’t the same as personalization. I’ll need to dig through his notes more when I get home.

And now I’m in “What do you stand for and how do you talk about it?”

It’s ethically delicious. I love it.

Oh, and I won a hundred bucks in the raffle.

Yay!

Core concept: Performance doesn’t always lead to satisfaction.

Computers and cell phone performance has gone through the roof. But customer satisfaction is at an all time low.

How do you become valued, then?

Value Reinforcement Marketing.

This is the real product that these guys are selling. The idea? Pay more attention to your customers. Not your prospects, but your actual customers. Folks who have actually bought from you.

Interesting guys. I want to work with them.

Big idea: We’ve moved from a marketing monarchy to a marketing democracy.