Namely, I had a lot more people trying to hire me to write copy, do launches and do interpretive dance (OK, maybe not that part) than I had time or desire to take on . . .

In order to simplify my life, I set up a series of rules and criteria for new clients. If a potential gig didn’t fulfill these criteria, I’d pass on it.

If it did, I’d at least consider taking on the job.

I call this my “Client Crucible” . . . it’s drastically simplified my life and (even if you aren’t
at the “I’ve got more work than I want” stage yet) I think it can do the same for you . . .

Here are the 5 questions I always ask myself before even considering a gig . . .

1. Does the product do what it promises?

Yeah, I know. In a perfect world I wouldn’t even have to ask this question. But the fact is there’s a LOT of crap being sold out there these days.

So before I take on a gig I like to have at least some semblance of proof a product will actually

WORK if you use it. (If you don’t use it . . . well, that’s your own problem.)
This cuts a lot of pie in the sky, lose weight and make moolah products out right away.

2. Has the client already had success?
Once you get to a certain level, you tend to get a lot of folks crawling out
of the woodwork looking for a “marketing Jesus” to come “save” them.

To get on the “maybe” list, a client has to have had some level of success in their life, either having built a business, competed in high level sports, climbed a mountain . . . something to show me that they’ve got what it takes to actually “get stuff done.”

There’s nothing worse than slaving away on a project or a sales letter that never sees the light of day.

I also generally want my clients to have some good marketing chops and a plan that goes beyond just “we’re going to put this eBook up and see what happens.”

3. Can I “leverage” the relationship?

This is a big one these days. Will doing this job create a relationship that can pay off financially or otherwise in the future? Some of my best friends and JV partners have started off as clients.

4. Is the client trying to nickel and dime meor sell me on “hope?”

Pretty self explanatory. Most of the deals I do these days are based off a retainer up front plus a chunk of sales on the back end.

If the first words out of a client’s mouth are “How much do you charge?” I know pretty much right away they’re not somebody I want to work with.

5. What does my gut tell me?

Do I “like” the people involved? Are they people I actually WANT to help become more successful?

Does the idea of working with these folks make me want to commit ritual sepuku?

This is much more a “Feel” thing than anything else, and I’ve walked away from some seemingly “great” gigs in the past because my gut was screaming that something wasn’t right.

One note: What you might notice is”Will I make a boatload” of money isn’t really on the list.

It’s not that I don’t like making money, but in my experience no amount of
money is going to compensate if you’re “In bed” with a bad client.

Sorry, Roger . . . Praying won't make people pay for your website.

Roger Ebert can’t figure out how to make money on the internet . . .

Which to me, seems downright weird . . .

On his (excellent) blog last week Roger posted a loooong and amusing ramble about how “nobody” can figure out how to make money online . . .

(Well, nobody but porn stars, shysters and fundraiser-happy religious kooks anyway . . .)

Personally, I think Roger is one of the sharpest writers and smartest dudes working in pop culture today . .

But when it comes to internet marketing, he’s downright dumb . . .

Here’s why . . .

In info marketing (which is the world I live and play in online and, really, what Roger Ebert does every single day) you’ve got three major pieces of “fuel” that drive your ability to pull in the bucks online . . .

1. Is Traffic . . . getting people to actually show up on your website in the first place and STICK AROUND long enough to consume some of your content, drive the “authority” of your site up and ( you know) maybe even BUY something . . .

2. Is Credibility . . .Do people who show up on your site like and trust you? Do they LISTEN to what you say? Do they think that what you offer to the world is actually valuable in some way? Are they willing to pay for the information that you’ve got to offer?

3. Is Conversion . . . the actual copy and mechanism that gets people to pull out their credit cards, type in that loooong string of numbers and actually give you the cash you’re doing all this for in the first place.

Now, Roger has number 1 in spades . . .

And has a really damned healthy dose of number 2 as well (though maybe not in the way that he thinks) . . .

(In fact, I’m willing to bet that if you asked your average “in the trenches” internet marketer if they could make a boatload of cash with the traffic and credibility that Roger Ebert has (and do so ethically and without pulling any sneaky tricks at all)  . . .well, they’d do backflips of joy and go on a three week product creation bender that could only end armies of dollars marching lockstep into their bank account  . . .)

But Number 3 (Conversion) is Where The Venerable Mr. Ebert is Absolutely Falling Down On The Job . . .

Here’s the full text of Roger’s “pitch” for his “Ebert Club”  . . .

Roger "kind of sort of" wants to invite you to join his club . . . maybe. If you feel like it. No pressure. At all.

Dear Readers:

Most web sites generate less income than they cost to maintain. Mine is no exception. Because I want to preserve free access to the site, I’ve come up with an idea I’d like to run by you. I’m announcing The Ebert Club, which will offer a group of additional attractions and conveniences for members.

Membership in the club will not be expensive. Through March, we’ll have a special introductory rate of $4.99 for a year’s membership. After April 1, the price will shoot up to $5. No, this is not an April Fool’s joke. April 1 is the date I was appointed movie critic of the Sun-Times,
and I plan to live it up.

Your membership benefits will include:

1. The site’s RSS/Newsletter feed, which Includes quick clickable links to all my new reviews and other site content. (Full disclosure: This will also continue to be free).

2. Quick links to my Special Pages for Twitter. These are free-standing web pages I create on the spur of a notion.

3. Quick links to new postings on Roger Ebert’s Journal and Jim Emerson’s Scanners.

4. Selected @ebertchicago, winnowed to improve the signal to noise ratio. All the joys of following my Twitter stream, from the comfort of your inbox.

5. A private discussion thread for Club members. This will resemble one of the comment threads on my Journal, but its URL will be made available to members only.

6. The Web Report: Unexpected and delightful web discoveries. I find links myself. Readers send me amazing pages. As a club member, we will not bother you with anything dumb.

7. Occasional Special Pages for club members only.

8. Advance notice of Ebertfest tickets going on sale. The festival sells out early every year. At Ebertfest, I’ll hold a meet-and-greet for club members.

9. You will be helping enormously to support this web site. Well, that’s worth something, isn’t it?

10. We’re open to your suggestions about live chats for Club members only and things like that.

Click on the link below if you’d like to join us.

Thank you,

Roger

Uhhhh . . .

Sorry, Roger . . . paying continuity money (even cheap continuity money on a yearly basis) for vague promises of “additional stuff I find online” or “because it’ll help me keep this site up” ain’t gonna play in Peoria. Just ask NPR . . .they’ve been trying this tactic for years without too much success.

If you want to monetize the considerable amount of traffic, credibility and good will you’ve built up over the last several decades in the American consciousness, you’ve got to offer whopping  amounts of value above and beyond what the masses get for free.

Typically when I’m helping my clients craft offers (or doing it for my own products) I try to create a sense of value that has my customers feeling like they’re RIPPING ME OFF by buying from me  . . .

(Or getting at least 10 times the value out of my products as they’re putting in monetarily.)

Now, my real recommendation to Roger would be to “go to the well” and really think about what kind of “high value” stuff he could offer to his club members that the masses at large don’t get . . . Basically a wholesale rethink on his offer and the structure of his club.

This could mean re-purposing content by creating  audio or video versions of reviews and articles (Obviously, Roger has a challenge on the multimedia front since he lost his voice several years ago, but there’s no reason an assistant or staff member couldn’t do this) . . . writing additional “members only” content that has a high perceived value . .  .offering “writing tips” for aspiring writers, doing a “Ebert University” where he puts together a “curriculum” for aspiring film makers or film critics (though there’s precious little money in film criticism unless you’re . . uhh . . . Roger Ebert) and otherwise finding ways to monetize the vast amount of knowledge Roger has in his head.

But for this blog post let’s just focus on what he’s decided to offer and pick apart the way he’s presented it. As you’ll discover as we go through Roger’s pitch he’s made quite a few mistakes in his writing and the way he talks about his offer that are sure to drive the masses away in droves.

ASIDE: I also think Roger has  made a mistake in the pricing . . . and that he may actually make MORE sales with a higher price point (weird, I know . . . but $4.99 a year just wreaks of “I picked this price out of a hat and don’t really think what I have to offer is very valuable. No good.)

Now, obviously Roger’s doing a very soft sell here . . . he’s basically putting this out to his readership as a way to “maybe, if you want to, if you feel like it, help me out.”

That’s all well and good if you’re trying to “be nice” or don’t like asking for cashola  . . .  but let’s see if we can PUMP UP the selling power of what he’s got without descending too far into the fun and whacky world of hypes ville.

Let’s start with the open . . .

Dear Readers:

Most web sites generate less income than they cost to maintain. Mine is no exception. Because I want to preserve free access to the site, I’ve come up with an idea I’d like to run by you. I’m announcing The Ebert Club, which will offer a group of additional attractions and conveniences for members.

Membership in the club will not be expensive. Through March, we’ll have a special introductory rate of $4.99 for a year’s membership. After April 1, the price will shoot up to $5. No, this is not an April Fool’s joke. April 1 is the date I was appointed movie critic of the Sun-Times,
and I plan to live it up.

Problem #1: Roger’s opening this up with a “hat in the hand” pitch. Not to get too mean here, but this open reads a little whiny and lacks confidence (As any woman will tell you, confidence is sexy.) “My site doesn’t make any money. I need to find a way to make it make money or I’m going to have to make EVERYBODY pay.”

Problem #2: There’s really no implied or obvious benefit listed out in the open. At no point in these two paragraphs does he give any compelling reason why (or “What’s in it for me?”) for his prospective customer to latch onto.

I always say that “Marketing Is The Art Of Making A Promise And Keeping It” . . . but in order to do that you’ve got to make a promise in the first place. What’s the “reason why” folks should be downright excited about joining the Ebert Club? And no “Because you should feel guilty about getting my content for free” isn’t a good reason why.  People get a lot of content for free these days and if you try to guilt them into paying they’ll just go somewhere else.

The Fix . . . Make your open about the big problem that’s causing you to create this club in the first place, the big benefit to the prospect and the ridiculous deal they’re going to get.

Something along the lines of . . . (Have made an effort to keep this relatively “Ebertized” and low hype . . . not 100% happy with it but it shows you what I mean.)

Dear friend,

As a wise man once said “My loss is your gain . . .”

And in this case my (small) loss is going to lead to you gaining a lot . .

Here’s what this is all about . . .

You might not know this, but running a site like this is a stupidly expensive proposition . . .

In fact, in an average month the site loses about ($X) in bandwidth fees, hosting and other miscellaneous costs above and beyond what we pull down in advertising dollars.

While I love doing the site, “Paying to work” seems like a dodgy proposition to me.

So in order to keep my blog and website humming at the high-quality clip you’ve come to expect, I’ve decide to create an exclusive and limited “club” for my best, most loyal and most active readers . . . a way for you to get a higher and better level of access to me, to “see behind the curtain” on what it’s like to be America’s premier film critic and to get access to content that I simply don’t share with anyone else.

I’m calling this new group “The Roger Ebert Club” . . . and while I plan on keeping it quite affordable (for now) I’m also going to keep membership strictly limited to (X) number of people at this introductory rate.

You get the idea. The key here is to focus on what they’re getting (greater access etc.) to build exclusivity and scarcity and to generally make it seem “kind of cool” to be a member of the club. I dig the “April fools” joke from the original but feel like it takes the legs out from under Roger in his pitch. Notice that I took away the “I’m thinking of doing” language as well as the bit about “features and attractions” . . . that’s good “film language” but it doesn’t do much to pull in the fans.

Let’s move on to Roger’s bullets . . .

Your membership benefits will include:

1. The site’s RSS/Newsletter feed, which Includes quick clickable links to all my new reviews and other site content. (Full disclosure: This will also continue to be free).

Big mistake: You always want to open up with your most compelling and most powerful benefits . . . the bits that are going to get people to stand up and take notice. In this case, Roger’s leading with a “feature” that’s already free, that’s going to continue to be free and that really isn’t a piece of the “Ebert Club” at all. Your first bullet or “attraction” as Roger calls it sets the tone for the rest of your pitch . . . I’m willing to bet that a lot of potential converts click off the page after reading this bullet since it’s so weak.

The fix: Delete this bullet entirely. It’s a waste of space and shoots you in the foot before you even get started.

2. Quick links to my Special Pages for Twitter. These are free-standing web pages I create on the spur of a notion.

3. Quick links to new postings on Roger Ebert’s Journal and Jim Emerson’s Scanners.

Big Mistake: In both of these, Roger is focusing 100% on a “feature” (what it “is”) as opposed to a benefit (what it does FOR ME as a reader.)

Personally, I don’t really care about “links” I’ve got plenty of “links” in my life already. Roger’s job in this case is to translate these features into tangible, dimensionalized benefits that I can quickly grasp . . .

Soo . . .

The fix . . .

2. Quick links emailed to your inbox to my special pages for twitter. These are pieces of content and insight that I create “on the fly” during the work day on any number of topics that strike me .  . . as a Ebert Club member, you’ll have access to these content pages pushed directly towards you without having to sort through an endless stream of “noise on Twitter” and without having to take “surfing” time away from your busy day.

3. You’ll also get instant links to new posting on my Roger Ebert’s Journal blog or Jim Emerson’s Scanners. That means you’ll be the first to hear when a new blog post is put up . . . will have “first shot” at commenting on the blog post (and the bragging rights that go with it).

Notice how I use “that means” in the copy above. It’s a pretty simple mechanism but it forces you to actually spell out what’s in it for the customer instead of relying on them to do the math themselves. (They won’t.)

Let’s move on . .

4. Selected @ebertchicago, winnowed to improve the signal to noise ratio. All the joys of following my Twitter stream, from the comfort of your inbox.

Not terrible. Again, I’d pump up the benefit here . . .

4. You’ll get selected and edited “@ebertchicago” twitter messages sent directly to your inbox . . . that means you’ll get just the “good stuff” from my Twitter stream without the typcial noise or “@replies” that can slow down your reading or enjoyment of the content (and that non-members will have to continue to muddle through.)

Notice again, it’s just about spelling out why this is an actual benefit to the reader. Like with a lot of this stuff, I think that what Roger is really offering is too “weak” to build a program around, but if its what he’s going to use, it’s what he’s going to use.

5. A private discussion thread for Club members. This will resemble one of the comment threads on my Journal, but its URL will be made available to members only.

6. The Web Report: Unexpected and delightful web discoveries. I find links myself. Readers send me amazing pages. As a club member, we will not bother you with anything dumb.

7. Occasional Special Pages for club members only.

OK, this is where he starts to actually get to some meat. It’s not great meat, but it’s definitely better than what’s come before.

First off, I’d recommend that Roger lead with these three pieces of content since they’re actually compelling, exclusive and different than what everybody else is already getting for free. “special twitter links” is nice and all, but it’s not going to get me to take my credit card out.

Here’s how I’d rewrite it (and remember, these would be the lead bullets not the stuff we’ve got above.)

Membership Benefit #1: Exclusive Access To the Ebert Club Private Forum . . . As a charter member of the Ebert Club, you’ll have exclusive access to my new Ebert Club private forum. This will be built on the same structure and technology used to power the existing forums, but that’s really where the similarities end. I’ll be personally monitoring Private Forum discussion threads, replying to interesting comments throughout the day and giving a level of personal attention to this forum that I simply can’t do to the “Public” forum on the site. Plus, since it’s a “pay to play” forum the level of discussion and the commitment of the people involved will be worlds higher than the already high standards set on my “regular” forum.

Membership Benefit #2: Roger Ebert’s “Web Report” . . . Every day I receive unexpected and Delightful web discoveries from readers around the world . . . or I just stumble onto amazing stories or resources as I surf the web in search of information or research. As a Ebert Club member, I’ll share the “best of the best” of my web discoveries with you . . . stories that will thrill you, chill you or perhaps even just drive you to a rage. And I promise you here and now that I’ll never (ever) send you anything time wasting or dumb (I’m not your crazy aunt.)

Membership Benefit #3: Special “Members Only” Pages, Content And (Yes) Even Reviews . . . This won’t happen every week, but on a regular basis I’ll be sending Ebert Club members content, pages and even reviews (though typically not of movies) that simply won’t be available to anyone else. What kind of content? Well, how’d you like to read (EXAMPLES OF WHAT KIND OF CONTENT ROGER WOULD BE SENDING AND WHY IT’S AWESOME).

Ahh, see, now I feel like we’re getting somewhere. Finally we’ve got something we can latch on to and create actual benefits out of . . . stuff that’s easily worth $5 a year and possibly worth quite a bit more.

Let’s check out the last few bullets that Roger has . . .

8. Advance notice of Ebertfest tickets going on sale. The festival sells out early every year. At Ebertfest, I’ll hold a meet-and-greet for club members.

9. You will be helping enormously to support this web site. Well, that’s worth something, isn’t it?

10. We’re open to your suggestions about live chats for Club members only and things like that.

Hmm. 8 is interesting since it’s a “insider access . . .cut the line” benefit. I’d rewrite it as something like this . . .

Membership Benefit #4:”Member’s Only” Advance Notice of Ebertfest tickets going on sale . . . If you’ve tried to attend my Ebertfest film festival in previous years you know that we ALWAYS sell out (often weeks or even MONTHS in advance.) As a “Ebert Club” member, you’ll be able to “cut the line” and  grab your tickets to my highly-rated festival before the rest of the world even knows it’s time to get in line.

I’m going to skip 9 for a second (that feels like it should be a P.S. to me . . . and go right to 10 which I feel like could be pumped up a lot . . .

Membership Benefit #5: You’ll Have “My Ear” About additional content and access throughout the year . . . Have an idea for a “Live chat” where we discuss your favorite movie or genre? Wondering on my thoughts on a pop culture phenomenon? As a Ebert Club Member you’ll essentially have “my ear” and will be able to suggest pieces of content or ways of interacting with me above and beyond what we’ve already talked about here. My goal is to make membership in the Ebert Club a “no-brainer” . . . and letting you tell me what you really want out of this group seems like the best way to make this an easy choice for you to make.

Hmm. Not too bad for a rush job.

That brings us to the close and the PS (which I’m going to create out of his 9th bullet.)

Roger’s current close is an offhand . . .

Click on the link below if you’d like to join us.

Thank you,

Roger

Which is nice and all, but doesn’t exactly light the world on fire.

Here’s what I’d try . . .

“Sounds amazing Roger and I’d love to join, but how much does it cost?”

Good question.

Though I think the real question you should ask yourself is how much is a membership in an exclusive club like this truly worth to you?

What’s it worth to you to have this level of access? To be able to raise the bar of conversation? To be able to really take part in the discussion of what’s going on in film, media and politics today?

Is it worth the cost of a cup of coffee?

For a limited time, I’m offering charter membership in my “Ebert Club” at ridiculously low cost of just $4.99 . . . for a full year.

Honestly, that’s probably (much) to cheap. And I fully expect that I’ll have to raise the price (by a factor of 2, 3 or more) in the near future.

But right now this is an experiment . . . so you’ve got a chance to get in on the “ground floor” much cheaper than everyone else will have to pay in the not distant future.

Oh, and as an added bonus, if you take advantage of this offer before “Date” you’ll also receive a special “Ebert Club Charter Member” badge that will display next to your name in the regual Roger Ebert forums. That will let everyone else know that you’re a member of the club . . . and, frankly, will give you bragging rights no one else can claim.

To join, simply click the link below and enter your credit card information. You’ll be charged just $4.99 for the full year . . .and will begin to experience the benefits immediately.

Thanks for your support, and I look forward to seeing you on the Member’s only forum . . .
Yours,

Roger Ebert

P.S. There is one benefit to membership that I really haven’t mentioned here. It unpopular to talk about “altruism” in America these days, but by joining today you’ll be taking a massive step towards helping me keep this site up and free and running. That shouldn’t be the main reason you join (I firmly believe that if you give me money, you should receive massive value in return) but do know that you’ll have my personal thanks for stepping up and helping me “keep the lights on” on this site . . . In fact, I have several “bonuses” I haven’t discussed here that I plan on sending your way as my thanks.

Ahh. Not bad. Some mystery about the bonuses. Some good price justification that puts the $5 in perspective (toooooo cheap) and even some turbulence that makes them think about how they’ll kick themselves if they have to pay more in the future.

OK, now that we’ve gone this far, let’s put the whole thing together in a form we can actually read . . .

Dear friend,

As a wise man once said “My loss is your gain . . .”

And in this case my (small) loss is going to lead to you gaining a lot . .

Here’s what this is all about . . .

You might not know this, but running a site like this is a stupidly expensive proposition . . .

In fact, in an average month the site loses about ($X) in bandwidth fees, hosting and other miscellaneous costs above and beyond what we pull down in advertising dollars.

While I love doing the site, “Paying to work” seems like a dodgy proposition to me. Besides, my wife doesn’t like it  when I throw money away unless it’s on something that directly benefits her.

So in order to keep my blog and website humming at the high-quality clip you’ve come to expect, I’ve decide to create an exclusive and limited “club” for my best, most loyal and most active readers . . . a way for you to get a higher and better level of access to me, to “see behind the curtain” on what it’s like to be America’s premier film critic and to get access to content that I simply don’t share with anyone else.

I’m calling this new group “The Ebert Club” . . . and while I plan on keeping it quite affordable (for now) I’m also going to keep membership strictly limited to (X) number of people at this introductory rate.

Here’s just a small sample of what you’ll get when you become a Charter Member of the Ebert Club Today . . .

Membership Benefit #1: Exclusive Access To the Ebert Club Private Forum . . . As a charter member of the Ebert Club, you’ll have exclusive access to my new Ebert Club private forum. This will be built on the same structure and technology used to power the existing forums, but that’s really where the similarities end. I’ll be personally monitoring Private Forum discussion threads, replying to interesting comments throughout the day and giving a level of personal attention to this forum that I simply can’t do to the “Public” forum on the site. Plus, since it’s a “pay to play” forum the level of discussion and the commitment of the people involved will be worlds higher than the already high standards set on my “regular” forum.

Membership Benefit #2: Roger Ebert’s “Web Report” . . . Every day I receive unexpected and Delightful web discoveries from readers around the world . . . or I just stumble onto amazing stories or resources as I surf the web in search of information or research. As a Ebert Club member, I’ll share the “best of the best” of my web discoveries with you . . . stories that will thrill you, chill you or perhaps even just drive you to a rage. And I promise you here and now that I’ll never (ever) send you anything time wasting or dumb (I’m not your crazy aunt.)

Membership Benefit #3: Special “Members Only” Pages, Content And (Yes) Even Reviews . . . This won’t happen every week, but on a regular basis I’ll be sending Ebert Club members content, pages and even reviews (though typically not of movies) that simply won’t be available to anyone else. What kind of content? Well, how’d you like to read (EXAMPLES OF WHAT KIND OF CONTENT ROGER WOULD BE SENDING AND WHY IT’S AWESOME).

Membership Benefit #4:”Member’s Only” Advance Notice of Ebertfest tickets going on sale . . . If you’ve tried to attend my Ebertfest film festival in previous years you know that we ALWAYS sell out (often weeks or even MONTHS in advance.) As a “Ebert Club” member, you’ll be able to “cut the line” and grab your tickets to my highly-rated festival before the rest of the world even knows it’s time to get in line.

Membership Benefit #5: You’ll Have “My Ear” About additional content and access throughout the year . . . Have an idea for a “Live chat” where we discuss your favorite movie or genre? Wondering on my thoughts on a pop culture phenomenon? As a Ebert Club Member you’ll essentially have “my ear” and will be able to suggest pieces of content or ways of interacting with me above and beyond what we’ve already talked about here. My goal is to make membership in the Ebert Club a “no-brainer” . . . and letting you tell me what you really want out of this group seems like the best way to make this an easy choice for you to make.

Membership Benefit #6: Special “Edited” Versions of my @EbertChicago Twitter Stream and “Pushed To You” Access to new posts on my and Jim Emerson’s Blog . . . You’ll also receive a special “edited” version of my notoriously busy twitter stream . . . with all the noise, chaff and @replies removed so you can get to the “good stuff” right away . . . plus we’ll email you immediately whenever I make a new post on the blog so you can be the first to read the new content . . . and the first to weigh in with your comments or ideas before the masses even have a chance to know something new has gone up.

“Sounds amazing Roger and I’d love to join, but how much does it cost?”

Good question.

Though I think the real question you should ask yourself is how much is a membership in an exclusive club like this truly worth to you?

What’s it worth to you to have this level of access? To be able to raise the bar of conversation? To be able to really take part in the discussion of what’s going on in film, media and politics today?

Is it worth the cost of a cup of coffee?

For a limited time, I’m offering charter membership in my Ebert Club at ridiculously low cost of just $4.99 . . . for a full year.

Honestly, that’s probably (much) too cheap. And I fully expect that I’ll have to raise the price (by a factor of 2, 3 or more) in the near future.

But right now this is an experiment . . . so you’ve got a chance to get in on the “ground floor” much cheaper than everyone else will have to pay in the not distant future.

Oh, and as an added bonus, if you take advantage of this offer before (Date) you’ll also receive a special “Ebert Club Charter Member” badge that will display next to your name in the regular Roger Ebert forums. That will let everyone else know that you’re a member of the club . . . and, frankly, will give you bragging rights no one else can claim.

To join, simply click the link below and enter your credit card information. You’ll be charged just $4.99 for the full year . . . and will begin to experience the benefits immediately.

Thanks for your support, and I look forward to seeing you on the Member’s only forum . . .

Yours,

Roger Ebert

P.S. There is one benefit to membership that I really haven’t mentioned here. It’s unpopular to talk about “altruism” in America these days, but by joining today you’ll be taking a massive step towards helping me keep this site up and free and running. That shouldn’t be the main reason you join (I firmly believe that if you give me money, you should receive massive value from me in return) but do know that you’ll have my personal thanks for stepping up and helping me “keep the lights on” on this site . . . In fact, I have several “bonuses” I haven’t discussed here that I plan on sending your way as my thanks.

And there you have it.

Now, there’s still changes I would make (I’d have a proper headline and subhead . . .I’d probably raise the price  . . . I’d think of other benefits that could be pushed in like discounts to movies, a sponsorship deal with Netflix etc. But you get the idea.)

Comments? Bring em on.

Sang Header

Hi folks,

I’m in the middle of my “Busy season” at the moment . . . criss crossing the country in giant, metal birds . . . dining in hoity toity restaurants and activating my long-dormant “schmoozing” powers for the betterment of mankind.

Which, loosely translated, means I’ve been doing a lot of travel and hitting a lot of conferences.

Most recently I popped down to LA for 5 days to attend Larry Benet’s “SANG” conference . . .

“SANG” stands for “Speakers and Authors Networking Group” . . . it’s a pretty exclusive event (you’ve got to be invited to attend) and is probably the best collection of “heavy hitters” in the speaking and personal development niche that you’ll find anywhere in the world . . .

Here are a few of my “favorite moments” from my 3 days at SANG . . .

• “Getting real” with Jack Canfield and Woody Woodward early on day one. Jack’s one of the geniuses behind the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series of books and is as close to a speaking “Rockstar” as I’ve ever met . . but he was genuine, present and sincerely interested in my business. I’d never heard of Woody Woodward before, but this guy is very successful and DRIVEN. Planning on doing great things with  him in the near future.
• Running into Ed “Al Bundy” O’Neil outside the hotel. I was a huge “Married With Children” fan when I was a kid, so getting to shake Ed’s hand was a big thrill. Didn’t chat with him for more than a second but the whole trip was worth it right there.
• Talking politics with Paul Lemberg (Strategic marketing legend) and Tom Ham (chief marketing dude at Stompernet) late at night while drunk on vodka tonics. All three of us had VERY different takes on gay marriage, health care and a few other “hot” topics . . .but the conversation stayed intelligent and civil. Really refreshing to be able to challenge someone’s ideas (and have them challenge yours) without anyone feeling insulted or attacked. Smart guys.
• Seeing John Assaraf’s (from “The Secret”) face light up when he realized I was the guy who wrote the “Secret Behind The Secret” Sales letter (You’ll be hearing about that soon.) John practically leapt out of his chair, grabbed my hand and said “You GET it!” Really great feeling (and that sales letter is pretty hot. Looking forward to showing it to you probably in a video.)
• Hanging out with Jimmy Vee and Travis from Gravitational Marketing . . . I’m scarred for life after hearing Jimmy’s “Sham Wow” parody (definitely not blog safe.)
• Getting beaten, abused and insulted by copywriting legend John Carlton. I’ve known John for a few years now. Used to be he’d keep his head down  . . . now he lights up when he sees me and brings out the big guns. Still not sure what motivated John to (literally) slap me around Thursday night while I was hanging out at the bar.
• Watching Ryan Lee’s excellent presentation on continuity income. I’d never met Ryan before, but he’s obviously got his head in the right place and is a whip-smart business dude. Rock solid priorities.
• The moment when John Carlton’s business partner Stan got all serious on me, dragged me out into the hallway and (jokingly) threatened me with legal action. It all worked out OK and I’ve been assured my Mom is safe and sound back in massachusetts now.
• Hanging with the tall, gorgeous and driven Mari Smith. She’s a social media badass and one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met.
• Meeting with Joe Sugarman, the marketing legend behind Blu Blocker sunglasses.
• Watching the harried security guards as they meekly tried to herd a roomful of millionaires . . .
• Watching Mark Victor Hansen and Bob Allen rock the stage (at one point the power went out due to vicious winds outside . .  Mark and Bob didn’t miss a beat and carried on with their odd-couple magical rambling like nothing had happened.)

And yeah, I could go on for another hour. It’s taken me two full days since getting back just to dig through the business cards and follow up on the potential projects. Amazing event. If you get the chance to go in the future, I’d recommend you

Next up I’m heading to Atlanta for Dan Kennedy and Bill Glazer’s Info-Summit 2009. Then I’m off to NYC for business (a little) and pleasure (a lot) . . . plus my bro and I will be wining and dining our Mom on her 60th Bday.

More good crunchy content once I’m back in the real world.

You know the old adage about squeaky wheels? Sure you do. They get all greased up and taken care of while the quiet ones get completely ignored.

I went down to take my 4PM yoga class yesterday expecting to spend an hour and a half sweating and stretching with Bret, my favorite teacher. The guy is a motivational monster. He has a way of making you do things you didn’t think were possible, practical or cool and have you loving him for it at the end of class. He’s single handedly helped me deal with (if not overcome) some painful physical challenges and I always found myself looking forward to his classes.

Until yesterday.

Because yesterday I showed up for class and found out that some squeaky wheels complaining about classes being too hard made it so Bret doesn’t teach there anymore. Not to say the other teachers are bad. They all know their stuff. They all know how to make you stretch. But they aren’t Bret.

And after class, a gaggle of us were sitting there saying “You know, Bret was a big part of the reason I come here. Bret was a big part of why I do yoga at all.”

I’m wondering how this is going to shake out. I’m wondering if the powers that be are going to find out the hard way that it’s the quiet ones you need to pay attention to. It’s the quiet ones who are the core of your whole damned business.

Basically, he asks for a flat startup fee and then says “Pay me what you think the work is worth.” And that’s that. No invoicing. No chasing down checks. Just Scott standing there with a smile and waiting to see what customers do.

In a way it reminds me of my friend Kevin Goldman. Kevin never orders at restaurants. He just sits down, grins up at the waitress with his overwide smile and says “Bring me something good.”

And what does the waitress do? Well, it varies. Sometimes he gets shellfish. Sometimes he gets steak. But he always leaves happy.

Over the last three years I’ve been freelancing I’ve learned some hard lessons about how to work with clients, just what the heck “Professional” means and how to make a decent live as an Indie Pro without sacrificing my ethics, my passions or my almost pathological need to take languid naps on Tuesday afternoons.

But the biggest lesson I learned is this one:
If you ever sit down with a client to kick off a project–and I don’t care if you’re a house cleaner or a high-priced consultant–and during the course of your conversation they say “Well, I just don’t have time to do it myself” pack up your bag, tip your hat, wish them luck and dash like the road runner out of their as quick as you can.

Why?

Because those ten little words say volumes.

They say “I see the work you do as a simple commodity that I could certainly do if I ‘Just had the time,’ not as a hard-earned and valuable skill that should be left to a qualified pro;”

They say “I’m going to nitpick, second guess and micromanage every single thing you do;”

They say “I’m going to wince, howl and raise my eyebrows at your prices, no matter how reasonable they might be;”

And, most importantly, they say “I’m not a client you’re going to enjoy working with, and isn’t enjoying what you do the whole point of running your own business?”

Now, of course I learned this one the hard way–and regretted every moment I spent working on that project.

So be smart, my friends. Be smarter than me. And know when to run.

Welcome to the Hard-Working Words Newsletter–-a monthly publication from copywriter and word-mercenary, Chris Haddad. If you’d rather not receive this email, simply send a message to unsubscribe@haddadink.com. The little elves who live in my computer will take care of everything.

August, 2006

Hey folks,

The Hard Working words blog is just chocked full of copywriting and marketing goodness. Check it at HWW Blog and why not subscribe to the RSS feed while you’re there?

Getting to We

Norwegian people are weird. And so are Swedes. And the movies they make? Even weirder.

For instance:

Last week I curled up on my couch one night and watched a Norwegian/Swedish flick called “Kitchen Stories.” According to IMDB the plot is:

“A scientific observer’s job of observing an old cantakerous single man’s kitchen habits is complicated by his growing friendship with him.”

In other words, a middle aged Swedish guy is assigned to sit in a really high chair and watch what an old Norwegian guy does in his kitchen. And under no circumstances are the middle aged Swedish guy and the old Norwegian guy to, you know, actually talk to each other.

For a foreign film, it’s got the fewest subtitles I’ve ever seen. Vast stretches are just filled with old white men waggling their eyebrows at each other or sharing long, uncomfortable silences

And, of course, the two of them do talk and do become friends and do have long conversations about which side of the road it’s proper to drive on.

And of course I learned a whole bunch about marketing just by watching a couple of old Europeans make eyes at each other.

Oh, come on Chris, this one sounds like a stretch even for you

Oh, I’m not so sure about that.

Here’s the deal:

Theoretically you and customers have a pretty formal relationship. You sit in your high chair, they sit at their kitchen table and the interactions between you are formalized and few. You might send out a marketing piece, they might come buy something, but it’s a shallow relationship, a marriage of convenience and an unemotional one at that. In other words, you really don’t talk.

But to be successful in the marketing eco-sphere of 2006, you’ve got to come down off your high chair, get away from that “Us, Them” formal mentality. To be successful today, you’ve got to create a relationship and a community around your company.

To be Successful today You’ve got to Get to We

Do me a favor: Close your eyes and dig through your brain for those companies that you feel warm and fuzzy about.

Got it? Ok. What makes you feel so great about that company? Is it the quality of the product? Is it the quality of the product? Maybe a little. Is it their awe inspiring customer service? Maybe. But I’m willing to bet that the real cockle-warming, loyalty building factor is this: It’s a company that makes you feel special. It’s a company that makes you feel like you’re part of a community.

It’s a company that makes you think “We”

For instance, I’m a rabid and loyal Mac user. I ditched out of the world of PC’s 4 years ago and haven’t looked back. I read Mac news websites, get into long conversations about the relative merits of Mac OS X versus Windows and, yes, feel just that little bit smug and superior whenever I see a PC user struggling with an un-elegant behemoth of a laptop.

In other words, when I think Apple and the people who use their products, I think “We.” Apple has created a community (or maybe a cult) around their products and that community is key to keeping them strong and powerful in the future.

I used to drive a Volkswagen (now I’m a proud pedestrian) and thought “We” when I thought about VW drivers.

I go to a Yoga Studio and think “We” whenever I look around at all the smiling/grimacing/sweating faces.

Huh. Ok, but how do I get my customers to start thinking “We?” How do I convince them to build a community around my company and become emotionally invested in what I do?

Glad you asked. The keys to “We-ness” are:

A. Giving tremendously awesome customer service.

B. Making your customers feel special and unique.

C. Having an honest to god conversation with them on a regular basis.

Now, the first two are either self-explanatory or huge topics that I don’t have room for here. But that third part is easy. How do you have a regular conversation with your customers?

-You start a blog (and post to it on a regular basis. And actually reply to the comments left by customers or potential customers.)

-You send out a newsletter that’s packed not with self-promotional pap, but with honest-to-goodness useful information.

And you send regular messages–and I don’t really care how you do this–that show just how much you appreciate your customers.

Speaking of which: Have I told you how much I love you, Dear HWW readers? I don’t know that I have. So let me do it now.

I love you.

If you want to talk about this further, drop me a line at chris@haddadink.com

or pop over to the HWW Blog and leave a comment.

Get Strategic

Strategic marketing consultant and friend of Haddonia (he’s got diplomatic immunity in my office), Dominic Canterbury has just launched his very own blog. It’s downright tasty and refreshingly comabtive. Check it out at http://www.dcstrategic.blogspot.com

And that’s all for this month, folks. I gotta go talk to some customers.

Comments? Questions? Harsh invectives?: chris@haddadink.com.

All content is copyright Chris Haddad, 2006. Feel free to distribute this issue far and wide as long as the entire newsletter is kept intact.

To learn more about Hard-Working Words and the never-ending battle against jargon, visit http://www.haddadink.com or call 206-550-5558.

Chris Haddad is available to speak at your conference or event. From copywriting basics to marketing mastery, Chris can communicate complex concepts in a way that will have both your brain and your cheekbones aching.

Ralston 360 (a marketing firm specializing in podcasting) does a great job of explaining the whacky world of the pod and why you might want to dive in.

Check it out here.

Except for maybe tripping over said crate and having to remember how you got it in the first place.

Friday night Megan Groves and I went down to the home of Beth Yockey and Scott Jones for a rousing night of “Junk Poker”–which can be quickly summed up as “Poker where you really, really want to lose.”

I packed up a duffel bag with a bunch of stuff that had accumulated around my apartment. You know what kind of stuff I’m talking about. Stuff like that bike-tire codpiece I wore in that really bad play 4 years ago. Or a pair of bright red boxing gloves. Or the random and mysterious bars of lead that have been sitting in my closet for as long as I can remember. You know, junk.

And let me tell you, I suck at poker. I can’t bluff to save my life. I have no idea what cards I should hold onto and I have a tendency to let my lower lip quiver madly when I’ve got a good hand. I was absolutely confident that I’d be coming home empty handed. Confident and maybe even a little bit cocky. I went down there knowing that I was going to lose.

“And the river . . .it’s a 9 of hearts!”
“GAHHH! NO! NO! Oh, come on! This isn’t funny anymore.”
“Your pot, Haddad. Take it and weep.”

By the end of the night I was a just about buried under bad books, lacy things and Hulk comics. It took two trips just to get out to the cab. I was a . . . gasp . . .winner. . . and I’d never been so miserable.

Which brings us to today’s topic:
Losing by winning.

You ever know somebody who gets everything they ever thought they wanted and it drives them absolutely nuts? I knew a guy back in college who dropped out two years early and got his dream job running the account side of an advertising agency in San Francisco. He was making piles of money with piles more responsibility and it made him fat and angry and burned out at 23.

And I’ve seen too many small business people win big contracts that they fundamentally don’t want to do and that, fundamentally, lead them down the absolute wrong path in their life.

Or, heck, folks who win the lottery just to end up broke and friendless 3 years later.

Or. . .well, you get the idea.

Sure, we all want to be winners.

But before you throw your money on the table, make sure you know what game you’re playing. And make sure it’s a game you actually want to win.

And like I said, I’m exhausted. I feel like I’m about to fall right off this chair and curl into the fetal position for a six-hour nap.

Best part? I’m back on set at 6 tonight and will keep right on keeping on right through the weekend.

But there’s an upside. And that upside is this: When you’re acting in a film, you get lots of time to think. Granted, most of that time is spent thinking “Shoot, do I know my line?” and “Man, when is crafts services getting here?” and “I wonder if I look fat in this pirate costume.”

But sometimes, as you’re sitting there on take 15 trying your darnedest not to trip over your three each boots, you find yourself thinking something useful. Something like “Huh, on a film set you really have to pick and choose when you should make some sort of witty comment and when you should just keep your mouth shut. And that’s just like a marketing piece. That’s just like sometimes you’ve got to just clam up and let your prospect do what they need to do to make the sale.”

It was like an epiphany. Only shorter. And did I mention the pirate costume?