HWW #33 – Why Did Theron Gordon Punch Me In The Face?
As I write this I’m sitting in an overpacked train car humming its way from Portland to Seattle . The train is listing from side to side and making me seasick. Which is a bit funny, since I’m nowhere near the sea.
I’m going to be at Ken McCarthur’s JV Alert seminar down in Long Beach, CA this weekend paling around with fellow bald copywriter (and all around fine human being) Mike Morgan. If you’re there, hunt me down like the ridiculous ferret that I am and I’ll buy you a drink . . . and give you drunken marketing and copywriting advice gratis.
In today’s (hopefully brief–these things always *explode* once I start typing) issue of the HWW newsletter you’ll learn:
* Why Theron Gordon punched me in the face.
* Why a “reason why” is one of the most important things you can put into your marketing.
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Why Theron Gordon Punched Me In The Face
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It was pizza day when it happened.
I was standing in line outside the North Grafton Elementary School cafeteria, bouncing from heel to heel and dreaming of artery-clogging cheesy goodness when Theron Gordon–as massive and brutish and cruel as any 4th grader could ever hope to be–turned around, let out a bassy “Huh Huh Huh” and slammed me in the face with a fist the size of a a ripe coconut and the texture of a pound and a half of thin-sliced honey ham.
*SHMUNK!* was the sound. He hit me square in the nose.
Blood poured down my face and onto my brand-spanking new Vaurnet T-shirt. I crumpled to the floor and sobbed like . . . um . . .well, like the oversensitive geeky 4th grader that I was. I heard the teachers coming and the kids all around me sniggering and teasing.
I looked up into Theron’s big, dumb cow eyes and through the blood and the tears and the deep, deep humiliating shame I asked him “whu . . . whu. . . why?”
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What’s the “Reason Why?”
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Quick quiz: What’s the single most important thing you can pack into your sales and marketing copy that will immediately skyrocket your credibility and supersize your sales?
A compelling and believable “Reason Why.”
As human beings, we’re hard wired to want to know the “reason why” something happened.
*Why* did the seemingly nice and normal guy down the street go nuts and do unfortunate things to his neighbors with a machete?
*Why* did your weird Aunt Millie who you never quite got along with decide to pick *you* to take care of her 37 cats when she died?
*Why* did my brother (who’s smart and successful and a great guy) vote for G.W. Bush in the last two elections?
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And It’s Even Worse When It Comes To Marketing
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Customers are cynical and jaded creatures who see BS and sneaky motivations behind everything (and heck, with all the spam, bad marketing and unethical crap out there, they have every reason to.)
If you want to sell to them, break down their skepticism, stand out from the herd and be the one savvy marketer to dodge past their defenses and worm your way into their pockets, you’ve got to pack your copy and your ads with super-solid reasons why.
*Why* are your widgets better than any other widgets in widgetdom?
*Why* are you the cheapest (or most expensive) option, and *why* is that a good thing?
*Why* are you only offering 50 of this super awesome and amazing package before pulling it off the market forever?
*Why* is your guarantee twice as generous and three times as long as anybody else’s?
*Why* should I go to all the bother of fishing my wallet out of the pocket of my too-tight jeans and go through all the rigamarole of of typing in my credit card number . . and *why* should I do it right now?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
If you give solid, compelling and believable *reasons why* to all the questions running through the back of your customer’s heads you’ll build trust, gain credibility and make big heaping piles of money that make Scrooge McDuck’s money pit look like a piggy bank.
And if you *don’t*?
Well, then you’ll end up like I was all those years ago in fourth grade: crumpled on the floor with tears in your eyes wondering *why* it all went so terribly, terribly wrong.
So here’s your assignment for the month: Take a long look at your web copy, your sales brochure, your snazzy new video or whatever else you use as the engine of your sales process and ask yourself “Is this giving a compelling, overt ‘reason why’?”
If so, pat yourself on the back and buy yourself some icecream.
And if not? Well, I think you know the *why* of what you have to do next.
(P.S. I never did find out why it was that Theron Gordon decked me that day. And it still drives me nuts. My only comfort is that he probably drives a forklift 12 hours a day at some skeezy Massachusetts warehouse.)
(P.P.S. I’ve actually been punched in the face twice in my life. The second time left me with a fake tooth and a great story about why my brother and I get along so darned well these days. Ask me in person and I’ll tell you.)
